I learned a new party trick over the weekend; I swallow a piece of string and it comes out my other end tied! I shit you knot.

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So this guy tells me he hasn't had a bite in weeks. So i bought him lunch.

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Q: How many Jew does it take to change a light bulb? Here is the answer: A: A lightbulb cannot be changed, it either is or isn't. Do you mean replace a burned-out bulb with a new one? Here, in this case, with design, logistics, manufacturing, marketing of just that single bulb- there are many people involved. It could be argued that we all play some small part in the process. ------ Nothing to see here, end of the joke. :)

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Does it not sound kinda fun to keep slapping someone that always turns the other cheek?

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Knock Knock Whose there? Yes I am a convicted child molester and by state law I must go door-to-door explaining the many cruel and vigorous crimes I have committed.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, The middle one's for you!

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If you say gullible over and over again, it sounds like stupidity.

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A person walked into a bar, he saw it was the wrong bar so he leaves...

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What's big, grey and can't swim? A castle

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What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper with some red stuff on it.

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What's black, white, and red all over? White on black homicide.

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What do a comb and a guitar have in common? Neither of them can climb trees.

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Why was the woman poor at driving? Because she had not yet passed her driving test.

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A guy walks into a bar and asks a nice looking girl if he can buy her a drink. She promptly rejects the offer.

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Q:whats the easiest way to get crabs? A:at your local seafood market.

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why did the mother beat the young boy? Because he was adopted

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what did the homeless man get for Christmas? Cancer

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Why can't dinosaurs talk? Because they're dead.

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What did the mushroom say to the pretty lady? Nothing, because it's a mushroom.

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How do you have sex with an amputee? stick it in the eyes

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Roses are Brown Violets are Brown I hate everyone on antijoke that steals what I write I fisted a cows butt hole.

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Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

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Q: What happens when you throw a green rock in the Red Sea? A: It gets wet.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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