- Anti Joke

How do you occupy a blonde for hours ? Give her a long list of stuff to do.

Never again, I have all the intel I need on you, you cost me a fucking eye, you think I would let go of that so easily? It hurts day and night, I have not slept in days, my fucking eyelid is torn right off, and while I use a fucking excuse for an eyepatch, I still have not gotten used to sleep without being able to shut both my eyes, I have a constant fever, you miss me, you are directly responsible for scaring my wife and fucking over my face. Deal with it, cry harder asshole. Moral: You step on my foot, I break off yours, you cost me an eye, you do not know whats waiting in line for you, I am going to make you beg me to let you die! Did you think I would warm up as quickly to something as irresponsible as you? And we do not know yet if you did this on purpose, we do not even live in the same fucking country, and I get assholes assaulting me again! What the hell have you done? If my wife had been here I would have been dead! Moral: I hope you got pets, I will skin them alive in front of your face!

What did the black guy do when he heard sirens? He Ran

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? AIDS. AIDS is worse.

You're really messed up right now... elephants don't talk

A small plane is carrying three passengers: a young boy scout, a priest, and the smartest black man on earth. Due to improper planning, there are only three parachutes on the plane. The engines cut and the pilot takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The black man says, "I am the smartest black man in the world. I need to live." He takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The priest says to the boy scout, "Son, you take the last parachute. I have lived a full life." After a very touching moment, the boy scout puts on the parachute and jumps out of the plane. Minutes later, the priest dies a horrific death as the plane crashes into the desert.

Why did the road cross the chicken? Because Einstein said so. According to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

A nun, a jew, and a KKK member are all stuck together in a lifeboat. A large wave overturns the boat and they all drown.

You're on fire.

Why did the window break? I threw a pig out it.

Woah again Nero, you are so wise... I love you, I really do. If someone can and has already changed the world for the better, its you. No wonder people believe you have superhuman abilities, I used to think so too, but I think I understand what humans can do on another level now, you did that, thank you.

"Ask me if I'm a tree." "Are you a tree?" "No."

what did the atheist get for Christmas? Nothing. If he was being truly honest to his beliefs, he wouldn't partake in a christian holiday.

What did the small baby faucet say to the daddy faucet? Nothing, they are inanimate objects and cannot talk.

Knock Knock Who's there? The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident, your entire family is dead.

Where does the king keep his armies? In a variety of military barracks and bases situated around his kingdom where they are ready to be deployed for combat or peacekeeping operations.

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

So there's this mexican with a big sombrero riding a donkey, it was a sunny day and he didn't feel like walking.

What makes fat kids laugh? Jokes.

Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

How do you get a one-armed Polak out of a tree? Get a ladder and carry him down.

Person 1. Knock-knock. Person 2. Who's there? Person 1. The doctor. Person 2. The doct-- Person 1. You have cancer and have about three weeks to live.

why was the man itchy? because he had herpies

Why did the boy kill his father? Because he was molesting him.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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