How do you piss off a teacher? Accuse them of being a pedophile

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Q: What did the black kid get for Chirstmas? A: Your bike

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A tree falls in the woods. A deaf boy, who had been frolicking through the forest, is struck down by the tree. He dies. His parents are ridden with grief for years, until finally the father commits suicide. The mother soon remarried and had two more children. Both died before the age of 15. She was a horrible mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Stab her.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How to you get a clown off a swing? You shoot it in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What is worse then a bus driver A man who drives an ice cream truck

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a fetish for sniffing your shoes.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the martian say to the other martian when he saw a fire hydrant? "Hey look, I found a fire hydrant!"

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What was little Sarah's last Words to johnny before he got hit by the bus??? Can i have your ice cream.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock knock Who's there? Hector Hector who? ....I forgot the rest of the joke but your mom is a whore.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I was walking down the road yesterday with only 1 shoe. A man stops by and says "Did you know that you lost a shoe?" I reply "No I didn't. I found 1."

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says, "It is quite hot in here." This is a lie. Neither of the muffins spoke because in reality, Muffins are not only inanimate objects, they are not humans, and therefore they do not have the ability to speak in a comprehensible language.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do gay cows eat? Grass.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Three guys walk into a bar. They each have a few drinks. Then all three leave responsibly in a taxi.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

After visiting the dentist, Ke$ha had sixteen cavities because brushing your teeth with bottles of jack causes plaque to build up.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you get when an elephant and a pig have baby? Nothing, mating between animals must take place between animals of the same species, thus making it impossible to cross these two animals

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Q: Why was the boy so sad? A: His parents were just killed in a car wreck, therefore orphaning him and his five brothers and sisters and leaving them with no money, food, or shelter due to lack of steady income and the fact that their house had been foreclosed on.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Want to hear a joke? Me too.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

how many large people can you fit in a bath tub ... 1/16

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock knock Get off my porch homo

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the boy give the girl flowers? Because her parents died in a car crash and he felt bad.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

knock knock! who is there? its knock! knock who??? knock knock... who is there.... i told you its knock... knock who??? knock knock... WHO IS THERE!! OMG I TOLD YOU ITS KNOCK! KNOCK WHO!! WHO IS KNOCK! KNOCK KNOCK OMG WTF! HOLY SHIT WHO IS THERE! ITS KNOCK WE HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER OUR WHOLE LIVES! KNOCK WHO?? KNOCK KNOCK WHY DONT YOU REMEMBER ME! oh knock knock from next door! who is there???? jk.. knock...knock......omg put down the gun knock knock stop i love you knock its not worth it!! NO KNOC!!! GUNSHOT* KNOCK NOOOOO!!! I LOVED YOU SOMEONE CALL 911!! OMG KNOCK WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH KNOCK WHY!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's slow and spotted? A cheetah, I lied about the slow part

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops