Why did Joe wake up screaming? Because his wife cut off his penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

How many Druggies does it take to make toast. One.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What do Austrailian cows say? Moo.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What does a gay horse eat? Low-energy foods should only be fed to horses who are not regularly being worked and participating in high performance. According to the University of Kentucky's College of Agriculture, energy is vital to horses who need to perform their best as it aids many of the body's functions including muscle contraction, respiration and circulation. Only feed a low-energy diet to an idle horse and feed a high-energy diet to an older or sickly horse and to a working horse.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

i was in bed with a girl recently and she said to me 'I want tonight to be magical', so afterwards i disappeared.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Q) What did the Hobo get for Xmas? A) Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why did the little girl fall off the swings? Because at the climax point in the swing, gravity is making a much larger affect on you because you are pulling farther away from the earth as well as positioning your body in a way where it is awkward and unstable to support your body, which greatly increases the chance of you falling off and landing on the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

When life gives you lemons You've got some lemons.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

So a guy walks into a bar. He asks the woman next to him, ''Can I buy you a drink?'' The woman says,''No thank you.''

thumb_up thumb_down +29

why does one side of a v-flock of geese have more birds? Because it does.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

How many eskimos does it take to build an igloo? It depends... probably about six or seven.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

How did you know it was bedtime at Michael Jackson's house? When his clock's big hand met the little hand, usually at 10 or 11, though sometimes later if he had a concert that night.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Q. What's the best thing to do before you get in a car accident? A. There's actually not much you can do in a car accident, considering you probably will never expect it, and it happens relatively too fast to react.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

I'M JOSH BROWN!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

I went to the doctors the other day for a check up and the doctors says to me "sorry your going to have to stop wanking" and I say to him " what! Why?" and the doctor says "I'm trying to examine you".

thumb_up thumb_down +27

"Knock Knock" "You know the doorbell is working?" "Oh, well, you know I'm here now. May I come in?" "Yes, have a cup of tea"

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What did the tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

If humans say YOLO what do cats say? meow.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Q: why does the cat go out of the house by the window A: It doesn't the window is closed

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did the boy fall off the swing? Because it broke...

thumb_up thumb_down +27

So I was flirting with a girl at a bar the other day when this huge black guy walks up and says "Hey honey". I realized that I still had some un-addressed prejudices in me as he shook my hand, pointed out that it was a mistake anyone could make, and introduced me to a girl he had met at the college he works at.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

why was the old man on the ground he fell

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Some people are like Slinkies: they don't work as well as they say they will and you'll get bored of them quickly.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What happens when you cut a body in half? An erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops