If life hands you lemons you're probably a hippy because you know someone named 'life'

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- Knock knock - Excuse me, I don't have time, my house is on fire ! - We're the firemen.

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Why Was Mary Short? She Had No Legs.

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Rudolf the rednosed reindeer died today. He was reported flying over Madrid when he was hit by a jumbo jet and a flock of seagulls. People are now saying that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.

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Q. how do you get 50 babies into a bowl? A. blender Q. how do you get them out of the bowl? A. Doritos

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A man knocks on a wooden door. A woman says who is it?

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What happened to the Mexican who commited suicide? He died.

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A momma cow was grazing in the meadow with her three calves when the first one asked, "Mom, how did I get the name Rose? "Well when you were born, a rose pedal came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The second calf asked, "How did I get the name Daisy?" "Well when you were born, a daisy came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The third calf mumbled, "LKJLSKJFSLKJLKSJDF" incoherently, and the Mom responded, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

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A husband and a wife were having a conversation: Woman: Why is the baby on fire? Man: I dont know. Woman: BUY ME SHOES!!!!!!

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Doctor: I bring grave news. Your wife is dying. She won't survive for another 100 years. Concerned and anguished Husband: Oh... that's ok! Doctor: Oh did I say years? I meant days! Oh the mirth! *The doctor breaks down into hysterical laughter, which the Concerned and Anguished Husband is furious to see, as the Doctor is taking delight out of such a grave situation.

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A man goes and buys a head of cabbage. The cabbage had a worm in it. When the man saw the worm, he threw out the cabbage and bought a new one the next time he went to the grocery store.

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Nyan cat had pancakes for breakfast.

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How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool

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Say this to someone: On a scale from one to ten, what is your favorite color?

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A: you have a strong arm. B: yea i work ou- A: you can master bate a whale.

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Why did the robot cross the road? Because it was a banana.

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yo mama so fat that when she jumped on her tempurpedic mattress the wine did spill

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pee

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how many times did lucy's mom drop her baby on its head? none, her mom died giving birth.....

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Who got sarah pregnant? No one knows. She was a whore.

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The queen is killed on sunday there are three suspects the cheif the princess and the butler The princess' said she was getting lunch The cheif said he was making lunch The butler said je was getting the mail So who did it A: the butler they dont diliever mail on sunday

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What did the train say at the party Thomas isn't really dumb ass

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Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme But this one doesn't.

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Whats fast, dead and make of CGI. Paul Walker

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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