What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

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Uber Driver: "Hey I'm close, where are you?" Me: "oh, I see you!" Uber Driver: "Are you that guy in the middle of the road?" Me: "yeah, floor it"

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roses are black violets are black im blind

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How much booze did the homeless man drink? All of it. He is severely depressed.

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A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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A man in a wheelchair walks into a bar... ...wait a second.

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Why did schlomo fall off the swing He lost balance because Muslims threatened to kill him

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Poop

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you know whats worse than being cold? being colder

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My friend billy had a ten foot.... Garden hose. Upon showing it to the neighbour next door he hit it with a rake which significantly shortened it and subsequently had to buy another

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What do you call a snail driving a boat? An accident waiting to happen.

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How come Helen Keller didn’t scream when she fell off the cliff? Because at 19 months she contracted an illness that left her blind and deaf and therefore never learned to properly use her vocal cords

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i have two hands.

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How did Harry potter open the door? He had the key

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Stoner Student: "Imagine if El Nino and La Nina got together and started a family and had little Los Ninos." Class Nerd: "Yeah."

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How do you know when everybody on a plane crash is dead ? When your the only one who walked out

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Why didn't the Priest have a TV ? A black man stole it

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I like my coffee the same way I like my women: without a penis!

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Roses are red Bacon is red Poems are hard Bacon

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Did you hear about the black guy who went to college? I did too, he worked hard for four years, partied in moderation, but graduated with a degree in chemical engineering and became very successful in the business world in order to support his wife and two children.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Two men walk into a bar. They get drunk.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Gestapos.

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Whats a six letter name for black people? Friend.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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