"Torture the orphans as much as you want. Who they gonna tell? Their parents?"

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Why did the man kill his friend? How am I supposed to know

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How do you tell the difference between a politician and a reindeer? A politician is an employee who works under a strict firm of a government department while a reindeer is a large, grazing ungulate in the family Cervidae that is native to subarctic polar regions of North America.

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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Whatever their names happen to be.

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What happened when the young child fell off of the swing? He broke open his head causing him to be sent to the hospital for 3 weeks.

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So a man walks into a bar and gets drunk.

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How many black people can you fit into a cardboard box? Depends on how big the box is.

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What did the traffic light say to the car? dont look at me am changing.

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Whats better than winning an award? Not having your family shot to death

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What happened to the man who grew into the couch? He was surgically removed and forced to exercise daily. He is feeling much better now.

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What did the penguin wearing a blue sweater say to the sink? I am a penguin wearing a blue sweater.

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A mountain goat walks into a bar, the bar mans asks ''so, what will it be?''. The other customers question the mental integrity of the bar man, as goats cannot talk.

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What's the difference between a lamp?

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Why can't Vampires go out in the sunlight? Because they don't exist.

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Why couldn't Kelly finish her test? She spontaneously combusted.

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How do you put 4 elephants inside a Volkswagen? You'd have to the change the interior design of the car and probably cut most of the roof. How do you put a Giraffe inside a Volkswagen? You ask her nicely to squeeze in between the four elephants...

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What happened to the man who poo'd too much? He started to eat less because his bowell movements started to cause him serious pain.

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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why did the chicken cross the road? its a chicken giving it the tendencies to wander if not properly fenced in.

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What did the black guy who was lost in Syria say? "Where am I?"

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Q. What did the girl on drugs get for Easter? A. Down Syndromes Disease.

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John went to the shop to purchase a can of coca cola. He left the shop with a can of coca cola.

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Did you know Helen Keller has a pool? no oh well she does.

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A blonde dies Lololol

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops