A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'why the long face?'. The horse does not answer as it cannot speak or even understand english. It was later destroyed by the government.

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A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f*** are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a**!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

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A black man and a white woman cross paths while walking on the sidewalk. After greeting each other, they continue on their way. Each goes on to enjoy their respective day free of racism and sexism.

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Roses were red Violets were blue Until the Fire nation attacked Now it's all black

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Bible Fact0idz: "Something Drink my blood and consume my flesh and live forever something" Jesus- dead age 30something alcoholism liver problems and diabeetus at time of death, crucified and not been seen since, return pending? Classified Alcoholic. Moral: "YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

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Why don't Batman go to an Ozzy Osbourne concert? Because Batman doesn't exist.

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My love life

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Your momma's so fat, she has just been diagnosed with Chronic renal failure.

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What did the man say when he found out he had cancer? Nothing. He was so in shock, that he later died from another type of cancer.

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what did the farmer say when he lost his red tractor?

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'Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.' That's fantastic because Peter Piper was paralyzed and the doctors said he would never be able tomove is arms or legs again, and there he is picking a peck of pickled peppers. I applaud you Peter Piper.

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A bear walks into a bar, and says "I'd like a gin... and tonic." The bartender says "AAAAHHH! A BEAR!!!" and calls animal control. Later after the beast has been tranquilized and carted away, he rationalizes having heard the bear speak as trauma-induced hallucination.

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What happened to the guy who bought a nice, brand new, plasma screen t.v.? He hanged himself.

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What do you get when you mix hydrochloric acid and a humans digestive track? Death.

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why did the boy stay home from school? it was saturday

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why is the man laughing. he isn't, he's just been informed he has testicular cancer.

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What is worse than getting stung by a wasp? Getting raped by a sexually frustrated bear.

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whats long, black, and smells like shit? a big turd

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What did the athiest get for christmas? Well he shouldn't get anything becuase he doesn't belive in jesus.

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What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? Dam.

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I fantasize about having sex with a moose

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What is hard, long, moist, and flesh colored? A hotdog you dirty, dirty bastard!

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What did the pretty young girl get for her birthday? Cake and presents (get your mind out of the gutter).

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Why are black people afraid of chainsaws? Because chainsaws are potentially dangerous weapons that may inflict bodily harm.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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