How do you get a clown off of a swing? Hit him with an ax.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How do you get money out of a Jew? You convince him your cause is worthwhile.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

So yesterday I went to find a pair of camo pants, And I did

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Q.whats the difference between a women's argument and a knife A. a knife has a point

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what's purple and tastes like a grape? a grape.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What happened when the Asain woman got in her car? A speeding drunk driver hit her and now she is paralyzed from the neck down.. Its a tragic story

thumb_up thumb_down +14

how do you know Newcastle are losing? its 5 past 3

thumb_up thumb_down +12

1: What do you call your car door when it's opened slightly? 2: I don't know. What? 1: Ajar! 2: A jar? 1: No. Ajar. 2: But it's a door. 1: Just forget it.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q. why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton? A. it said concentrate.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How did the boyfriend react when the girlfriend told him she was pregnant? Nothing.. He already changed his number and packed up his things and moved out of the state

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?" And the man replies "I am severely deformed".

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why didn't the monkey cross the road? He saw the chicken get run over.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Your mumma is so stupid her IQ is 40.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you think JFK would be doing if he was alive today? Yelling for help and trying to somehow escape his coffin.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man is riding down the road on his horse, Sally. He happens to see a horse without a rider, but with two saddles. He finds this peculiar, continues into town, and has a fine day.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Whats bloody and is dead. My son.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How do you change you dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap ...in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations])That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man is shipwrecked on a desert island. One day, he finds an old lamp. When he rubs it, a genie appears. The genie says, "You have freed me. As a reward, I will grant you three wishes." The man smacks himself in the face and mutters, "Oh god, I'm seeing genies now. I must be delirious from lack of food and water." Several hours later, he dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the chicken cross the road? To avoid the avoid the nuclear bomb at hiroshima

thumb_up thumb_down +12

In Soviet Russia it is normally colder than america and most people speak russian.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

If 32x=8600, find x. ^ | There it is!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you say when you see your tv floating at night? Drop it, nigga!!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops