When I was a kid, I had a clown at my birthday party. He molested me. Later I found out the clown was my dad.

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Q:Why did the booger cross the street? A:Because everyone was picking on him

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Why did the rabbit like to wear shoes? It doesn't.

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this sentence will not monkey banana pie

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Two cougars are at a nightclub. Suddenly, they attack and 8 patrons are mauled to death.

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:O + :P = 69

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A white man walked in da hood aaand he never came back

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How do you make a baby cry? You throw a brick at it's face.

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A teacher notices one of her students clutching a cat. She asks him why. The boy, tearfully, explains that he heard his father tell his mother that he was going to eat her pussy when the kids left for school. The teacher laughs and, the class being 10-11 years old thereby at an age approaching biological curiosity, decides to mix this in with a sex education video she was planning on showing them a few weeks later. She then phones the boy's parents who come to collect the cat while reassuring the boy that it is in no danger. The cat was popular with the boy's classmates and they would often go to visit him as a result. Many years later, just after the boy started attending university, the cat was put to sleep at the age of 13 due to liver cancer. The boy placed a Facebook post in honour of his feline friend, which was spotted by a former classmate of his in a routine search who happened to be attending the same university. They ended up reacquainting and beginning a sexual relationship, which was how the boy lost his virginity and eventually blossomed into a 37-year marriage resulting in three children.

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What did the two eggs in the frying pan say to each other? Nothing, their eggs.

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I used to not like my beard, but then it grew on me.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It got hit by a bus.

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Why did Sam have no friends? Because he was dead.

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What did santa claus say when he saw a girl standing on the corner? Ho Ho Ho... ;)

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What's the same between a plum and a rabbit? They are both purple, except for the rabbit.

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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn't matter, he's not coming

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How do you blindfold and Asian? By using a sturdy bandanna, cloth, any other object to avert ones view.

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Stevie Wonder has put on a lot of weight since the 70's. I feel really bad for him because he can't watch what he eats.

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What is red and bad for your teeth? A brick

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what a filthy dirty mess also dirt

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how many large people can you fit in a bath tub ... 1/16

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How long did it take for Michael to screw in the lightbulb? 37 minutes. Michael has cerebral palsy.

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HAHA SO ONE TIME... The man could not finish his story because he gets shot, and is mourned for years. His daughter was watching it all. She then jumped. And fell. And broke her knee. And then died. yeah

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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