what do you do when a woman tells you no? cut her tongue out

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: who is the worst person to ever post "jokes" on anti-joke.com? A: ryan valee

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Yo mama so fat!... we are very concerned for her health.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a deer with no eyes? I don't Know, but we should inform the RSPCA.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? Well it all starts back in 1765. Sir clucks the 3rd, was the finest most brave chicken there was. No other chickens could even compare. Well you see Sir clucks, with all of his riches and wealth, was one of the most popular chickens of his time. Everyone knew of his vast fortunes. Unfortunately for sir clucks his fortune caused him great misfortunes. You see the dastardly Honey badger brothers heard of the Great Sir clucks and thought to themselves "Why does sir clucks get all the fame and fortune." With that being said the Three brothers came up with one of the most evil plans. They found sir clucks, walking through an alleyway in SHITBUTT city. They surrounded Sir clucks and beat him to the brink of death. They then threw a bag over his head and threw him in their windowless rape van. They then sped off in the night, taking sir clucks to their hideout out in the Dastardly Dry Desert. Not many days passed before the citizens of SHITBUTT city realized that their Most beloved Sir clucks had gone missing. Day,weeks months passed by, but to no avail. Finally, in the 4th month of sir clucks absence, the honey badger brothers sent mayor Monkeyman a ransom note explaining how they want 1 million in clean bills. Little did they know Sir clucks had been coming up with a plan of his own, as the days passed. Nightfall came and Sir clucks set his plan in motion. He had been working on getting his bindings loose and tonight was the night he would escape. "I don't feel so well" says sir clucks to one of the honey badger brothers that was on guard that night. "ehhh what seems to be the problem?" he opens sirclucks cage, not knowing he is a 7th level Black belt. BAM SMACK BONG and with that sir clucks moved quicker than a jack rabbit and ran out into the chill desert night. After hours of running and his feet bloody to the bone he came to a road. You know what happened next? He crossed that SHIT and lived happily ever after And that my amigos is the Factual true story of Sir clucks the 3rd.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Looks through the peephole.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

why did the mexican cross the road? To get into America. Why did the chicken cross the road? It was on its way to warn everyone that the sky was falling Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass. Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? cause he's Chuck Norris. What do you call a man who gets a check in the mail every month for nothing? black

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running from its imminent death. It was being chased by a dog with a shark's head and chainsaws for legs. It was only delaying the inevitable.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why was billy sad because in the morning he witnessed his mom get stabbed in the throat repeatedly by a clown then he saw the clown in the cop car but his mask was off and it turned out to be billys dad

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why was the boy crying. He just got raped by a llama

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How do you kill a blond wearing a hat? Shoot her in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Steven hawking drives into a bar Disability

thumb_up thumb_down -4

whos gay? you are

thumb_up thumb_down -6

i love antijokes

thumb_up thumb_down -6

I use to be an adventurer like you! Then I got bored.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did the little boy with cancer do? He died.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

knock knock. Who's There? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do you call a white man in the NBA? A really good basketball player

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Two gay men walked into a bar in a bigoted, small-minded town and were beaten to death with shoes.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Dear Sarah, Your a damn lesbian! Sincerely Adam Claypool

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q: What did the casual mathematician discover at the end of his vivid rainbow of dreams (Question mark- key`s screwed) A: Enough dirt to fill 3141592+ treasure chests to the brim.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

1 what do gay horses eat? 2 hayyyy 1 no horse dick

thumb_up thumb_down -10

One day 2 people were gonna fight after school and the final bell wrung then they started the mtch and the challenger says, "Hey whats the one thing that you say when you don't want to fight and ypu let the other person win?" The other guy says, "I give up?" Then the challenger says, " I WIN!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops