Why can't the blonde dial 911? Because the burglars tied her up and gagged her before they robbed the house and she couldn't do anything until one of the neighbors found her and untied her.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q: Have you heard from that guy who dropped a piano on his head? A: No one has, he dropped a piano on his head.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What wears a white robe and shines? A special boar.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

what do black men and vending machines have in common? neithier work and they both steal your money

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What can a bench do, that a south African man cant? Support a family. (I HOPE THAT WASN'T RACIST)

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q:Why couldn't the baby walk down the hall way? A: It had a javelin stuck in its head.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

So two friends walk into a bar. One says to the bartender, "Get me a Miller Lite please." The bartender says, "Sure." The other friend says, "Get me a Cosmopolitan please." The bartender stares at him and says, "That is not the drink I was expecting you to order, but I respect your decision."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

what do u call a person who reads anti.jokes a hipster

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's bigger than the Loch Ness Monster? Loch Ness.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Q:What did the robot say to the boy? A:Nothing the robot malfunctioned and started choking the boy, despite the towns best efforts they could not release the death grip on the boys throat, after the robot was done choking the boy it exploded killing 99% of the population in a 5 mile radius.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

You are short with no perm, you will never be Kat Willams.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Two boys are playing with a toy submarine. One isists it will work in a real test. The boy drowns and the company is sued.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Matty B

thumb_up thumb_down +14

b

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do millions of men give their girlfriends every Christmas? AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Contrary to popular statement, "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade," you technically can't do this because of the need for water and sugar to make lemonade. Secondly, life can't technically hand you lemons because life isn't a physical thing that can hand you lemons. So really, you don't even have to worry about the second two ingredients.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

whats faster than the speed of light? a jew with a coupon

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's grey and looks good on policemen? your mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's worst then the holocaust, titanit and 9-11 4 bee stings.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Get your coat, I've got a knife.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

roses are red, violets are red, my garden is on fire

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Jared Gough is a slut

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How do you fit 45 Jews into a car? 5 in the car 40 in the ashtray.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What does the Jewish man and the Atheist have in common? They both believe in a god. Except the Atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops