roses are red, violets are red, bushes are red, flowers are red, trees are red, my garden is red... HOLY CRAP MY GARDENS ON FIRE!!!

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It gets very hot in Mianus, Connecticut

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Why was the man angry? Because I slept with his wife.

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a picnic table? The average picnic table can support a family of four, while a Mexican person, depending on his or her career, can support families that include over four people.

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nik nak paddy wack give the dog a breathalyzer test

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How Many Blind People Does It Take To Solve A Rubiks Cube? None Their Blind

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whats green white black red and can fly? nothing.

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Hitler

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The Theory of Relativity, proposed by the Jewish physicist Albert Einstein (1879-1955) in the early part of the 20th century, is one of the most significant scientific advances of our time. Although the concept of relativity was not introduced by Einstein, his major contribution was the recognition that the speed of light in a vacuum is constant and an absolute physical boundary for motion. This does not have a major impact on a person's day-to-day life since we travel at speeds much slower than light speed. For objects travelling near light speed, however, the theory of relativity states that objects will move slower and shorten in length from the point of view of an observer on Earth. Einstein also derived the famous equation, E = mc2, which reveals the equivalence of mass and energy. When Einstein applied his theory to gravitational fields, he derived the "curved space-time continuum" which depicts the dimensions of space and time as a two-dimensional surface where massive objects create valleys and dips in the surface. This aspect of relativity explained the phenomena of light bending around the sun, predicted black holes as well as the Cosmic Microwave Background Radiation (CMB) -- a discovery rendering fundamental anomalies in the classic Steady-State hypothesis. For his work on relativity, the photoelectric effect and blackbody radiation, Einstein received the Nobel Prize in 1921.

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- Bob, what's interesting to see in NYC ? - Yes, exactly

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If Sally has 4 apples and Dan has 3 apples, how many apples do they have together? Red, because ducks have 2 legs.

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Q. Wherefore art thou Romeo? A. Global Warming. ,.

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How do fish die in water? The BP oil spill

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An Irishman walks into a bar and orders a Coke.

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Why is Jesus not real? Because Chuck Norris is still alive.

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What did one umbrella say to the other umbrella? Nothing, umbrellas cannot instigate a conversation, because they cannot talk.

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Three guys and 4 Catholics are in a bar. They guys are making a joke. The first one says I'm gonna go to Oregon there's no Catholics there and the second one says I'm gonna go to Ohio there is no Catholics there and the third one says I'm gonna go to Alaska there's no Catholics there and one of the Catholics walk up and say how about you go to hell theres no Catholics there.

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what do you do when you see a priest in a bar? tell him that is un richeous and he shall pay for his sins right before you kill him

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what was the funniest part of the titanic sinking? nothing, many innocent people were killed and left their family devastated.

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Why did the cheeseburger have seeds on its buns? Because it wasn't a taco.

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here's a joke: Ron Paul: Hope for America

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A plane carries 500 bricks. 1 falls out. How many bricks are left? 499. How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps? Open the fridge, put in the elephant, and close the fridge. How do you put a deer in a fridge in 4 steps? Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer, then close the fridge. The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there except for one; who is it? The deer: He is still in the fridge. An old lady is crossing a swamp, but it is a crocodile swamp. How does she cross? Normally, all the crocodiles are at the Lion King's party The old lady dies at the edge of the swamp. How? A brick falls from the sky and kills her.

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Joey and Jack walked into a bar, and proceeded to have gay sex on the floor.

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Why doesn't the Athiest wear socks? He has a minor fungal condition on his feet.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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