A black, a muslim, and a communist walk into a bar, the bartender says "what will it be Mr. President?

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Knock Knock Who's there? It's the postman, I have a package you need to sign for.

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a duck walks into a bar, sits down and asks for grapes. the bartender says, "no, we don't serve grapes." so the duck leaves. the next day the duck goes back to the bar, takes a seat. "got any grapes?" the bartender says, "i already told you we don't serve grapes here. if you come in here and ask for grapes one more time, i'm going to staple your beak to the wall!" the duck leaves. the next day, the duck returns, sits at the bar and asks, "got any staples?" the bartender replies, "no, but there's an Office Max next door where you might find some."

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Q: What did the boy do when his mom asked him to put away his clothes? A: Yes. PS: If that wasn't funny to you, then go f**k off. You clearly don't have any sence of humor and you should see someone about that, like a mental health doctor.

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two muffins were in an oven. one muffin says, "gee, its hot in here." the other one says, "AH! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

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Pickup Line: Hay girl is that a mirror in your pants. Becuase I can see me in it.

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What's the worst part about male roller blading? AIDS.

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Quick! It's a fly, call the swat team!!!

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Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the slaughter house

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What do you call a fly with no wings? Joseph

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What did the Spanish immigrant say? Olah.

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Why did the Mexican cross the road? Because he wanted to get to the other side.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Nothing.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because my first shot missed.

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One time, I ate 3 chipotle burritos....after a tennis match

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Why did Sally fall of the Swing? Because she had no arms Knock knock Who's there Not Sally

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How did the cat die? I just it nine times

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I'm getting tired of nazi jokes. ANNE FRANKly I'm quite offended

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Why did Jack and Jill go up the hill? To get to their house.

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26.5% of Americans are obese.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.

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What has two legs and graduated from ninja school? Okyrin Sakajuru. He also went on to win two all city titles and roundhouse kick of the day, performed on a wild tiger. As time passes, he stops practicing and becomes a lethargic street criminal. He is eventually captured by local authorities and charged with the robberies and two counts of aggravated assault. Leaving his children behind to the system where they are neglected and depressed about their fathers situation. He makes bail after 3 months and opens a strip club for dwarfs but loses it all after not finding stripper poles that are dwarf friendly.

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Roses are red violets are blue ... Aww I just don't give a damn and nether do you.

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How fast is the speed of sex? 70 mph, minimum 40 mph

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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