How do you get a baby to stop crying? Run it over with a lawn mower!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How many apes does it take to put in a light bulb 3

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Allah walked into AK Bar

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the pedophile cross the road? To molest a child.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why is the dog in the driver seat? Why is there birds making you filet mignon? Why is your toe blue? I don't know the answer. Go talk to your doctor

thumb_up thumb_down +3

two japanese men walk into a bar. the first japanese man says “i am japanese!” the second japanese man says “i am also japanese!” the bartender then says “well, hey. i’m japanese too”. the bar was in japan.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a group of geese? A giggle

thumb_up thumb_down +3

whats shaped like a tree. A tree.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

There are 3 people in a car, shit, manners, and asshole. They are driving and shit falls out. They pull over and manners gets out to help shit. Then a cop comes and pulls them over. The cop ask asshole what his name is. He said asshole. The cop said what. Then asshole said asshole. Then the cop says where are your manners. Asshole said over their picking up shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

So a Jew is walking on the street and he sees a penny, and he decides to pick it up because ever since the fire that killed his family and burned his house down he has been living on the street and he needs all the help he can get.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How was the copper wire invented? 2 Jews pulling on the same penny!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the cricket say to the fox? Cricket.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you get when you cross a Lion and a Shark? You would likely get trouble, seeing as its both animals are quite dangerous and crossing even one of them is ill advised.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What is Sally's favorite flavor ice cream? She can't eat ice cream, she's lacktose and tollerant.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You set the alarm for a reasonable time. - Louis

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: Why is Little Johnny in the hospital with a bullet wound and a broken arm? A: I shot him of his bike.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How do you stop a black man from running? You shoot his knee caps.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, Oh wait... I'm blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A: Knock knock. B: Come in. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ?cash(p)

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Your momma soo fat.... that if she doesnt start exercising and eating right she will be more likely to get adult onset diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q. What's yellow and sour? A. Not a banana

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Where did the kid go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A rooster lays an egg on top of a henhouse. Which way does the egg fall? Roosters don't lay eggs.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops