Friends are like potatoes, when you eat them, they die.

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what do you call a black man on a killing spree? whatever his xbox live gamertag is. that would probably be most appropriate

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Fine, the facts add up, excuse me if disinfecting what is left of my eyeball hurts like a bitch and reminds me of the fun I had losing about half of it and my eyelid left/right eyelid (I cannot tell left from right, I was born that way, on the bright side I can use both hands for everything). You know, I am sorry for taking such drastic measures, you know I could have spent the entire day with my wife and both my eyes, we where going on a trip around the world and stuff. Instead she is in police custody and I am stuck looking like a fucking pirate and my friend here does not quite get that its not the aching burning pain of living hell that gets to me, but rather the sensation of feeling pain at the core of my fucking eye whose sensation is so fucking overwhelming that I get just a little bit ticked off. Fucking hell am I glad we do not have a kid. I cannot pick up the phone, you see, its not my number, I paid off a couple of friends (do not really know them) To change their names to Nero. Now, if this is true and you have no idea who assaulted me, then you should have no problem knowing that I wont reveal where you live because we live pretty close to one another, you are not the only one that has proxies. If you do not mind you will have to chat with me here for a while, my eye hurts like a bitch and the fucked up sensation gives me just a tiny bit of anxiety, I will answer the phone, when my fucking hands stop trembling, I already dropped the fucking cell twice. Now it is busted and my friend is trying to put the chip into the other one yadayada, given the conditions I will call you,

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I hate Mondays, the man said as he drove to work. Fortunately for him, it was a Wednesday.

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What did the penguin say to the fisherman? Nothing, they are different animals, and thus, unable to communicate.

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What's green, [ THIS BIG ] and flies around the room... A remote controlled gherkin!

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what happened to the guy that got attacked by a shark he died

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Why did the chicken cross the road? What does chicken mean?

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Mexican and an American are on a plane. It crashes due to an oversight concerning its weight limit, killing all of its passengers.

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When life gives you gators, make Gatorade.

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what's worst then having no internet access for a year? having no facebook notifications when you finally do

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What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

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Why can't Stevie Wonder read? He has retinopathy of prematurity and was born blind.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Not Michael Jackson!

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Do the roar!

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Why did the little boy fall off the swing? He had no arms

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Why did the boy fall of the swing? Because he had no arms!

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Why did the monkey fall out the tree? Cause its dead!

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I banged your mom so hard that she got a urinary tract infection.

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An man walked into a bar. Unbeknownst to him, the bar happened to be a having a Rave party. The man, having epilepsy, proceeded to have a seizure. Luckily, a paramedic was there and saved his life.

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When I was little I used to love to dig up worms. Out of my ass.

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Roses are white, Violets are white, holy shit i can see the light.

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There once was a man from Peru, Who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He woke with a fright in the middle of the night and realized that his house was being robbed.

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Q: What's the hardest part about throwing a baby down the stairs? A: My dick.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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