A man is shipwrecked on a desert island. One day, he finds an old lamp. When he rubs it, a genie appears. The genie says, "You have freed me. As a reward, I will grant you three wishes." The man smacks himself in the face and mutters, "Oh god, I'm seeing genies now. I must be delirious from lack of food and water." Several hours later, he dies.

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A middle-aged white woman is walking toward a building, talking on her cellphone to a friend. She says, "Yes, I can meet you for lunch in a few hours. I have to go to the unemployment office to sign up for benefits. It's going to be horrible. It'll probably be full of black people." Standing in line, she is incredibly uncomfortable and horrified, because there is a black man right behind her, and she is stuck standing next to him for a long time. Finally it's her turn, and she steps up to the counter. The clerk asks her, "And what did you do for a living?" She answers, "I mopped the floors and cleaned the bathroom in a Blockbuster store that closed down." The clerk says, "Fill out this paperwork and take it to window #2." As she turns around, she is once more repulsed by the black man who is standing right there. Now that it's his turn, he steps to the counter, and the clerk asks him, "And what did you do for a living?" He answers, "I was the senior vice president of global strategic development for Eastman Kodak."

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How do you make a blond shut up? Staple her tongue to the roof of her mouth and super-glue her lips together.

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A man walks into a bar, has a drink, pays the bartender, and leaves.

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What do Native Indians and Asian Indians have in common? They're both human.

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What did the Frenchman say to the Englishman? I don't know, I don't speak French.

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What did Timmy say when the bus crashed? Nothing, it was a horrible crash, he died like everyone else. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Timmy.

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Hey I just met you you are a sneaker smell my gym socks and then pick oot throughyour nose

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what happens when u mix a car, a blimp and a plane? I don't know.

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what's funnier then 33? actually there's a plenty of things, just have to think about it

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Your so ugly that your birth certeficate is a apology letter from the condum factory

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bish bash bosh giz a nosh

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Why did the man commit suicide? Because he felt he had nothing left to live for

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What do you call a black mailman? By his name.

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Why did the cow jump over the moon ? This is a highly unlikely situation , therefore the cow did not leave its humble pasture , let alone talk english while in the midst of jumping over a planet wich takes days to fly over .

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How do you get a clown off of a swing? Hit him with an ax.

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Rebecca Black walks into a bar she took the back seat

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What's worse than going in the wrong direkshun? ...My spelling

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A blackman and an asian are walking down the street they pass eachother exchange looks and continue on with their day

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what starts with an f and ends with a uck? firetruck!!

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a slice of tomato A really bad joke

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whats difference between womens rights now and 10 years ago? nothing, they are both just lies men tell women to make them feel good.

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says, "It is quite hot in here." This is a lie. Neither of the muffins spoke because in reality, Muffins are not only inanimate objects, they are not humans, and therefore they do not have the ability to speak in a comprehensible language.

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What ended my last relationship? Oncoming traffic.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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