who touched the priests sticky hand? Jake Duncan

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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Whats Something everyone has except david? Money.

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Q: what animal didnt get on Noah's ark in pairs? A: worms. they got on in apples.

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What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A jew is a person contending to the faith of Judaism, and a pizza is an Italian flat normally round or square baked good consisting of dough, tomato sauce, cheese and various spices, and is sometimes enjoyed with toppings such as meat or vegetables.

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What do you call it when you lend money to a bison? Unitelligent, because bison do not have the ability to purchase things with money so it will most likely just eat the money.

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Don't you sometime just want to chop of your toes and stomp around to prove to the so called 'experts' that it is possible for a person to walk without toes? . . . . . . me neither

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whats red and looks like a bucket? a red bucket whats blue and looks like a bucket? a red bucket in disguise

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What's black, white, and red all over? The color scheme. Except for the black and white. They're shades.

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What did one baby say to the other? Nothing, they're both dead.

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What did the chicken say when it crossed the road? Nothing. Chickens can't talk.

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a man got hit by a truck in brooklyn, JK he got shot, he was in brooklyn, Duh, he stumbled out in to traffic afterwards

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a kangaroo walks in to a bar and sits down. Kangaroo's live in Auustralia

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What did the bodybuilder do when someone stole his wallet? Ab workouts.

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A man walks in on his wife blowing Bubbles. Two weeks later they are divorced.

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Bob dole

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knock, knock! No answer, they probably can't hear you, use the doorbell.

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Do your parents know you're gay?

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what do you call a kid without arms and legs? Freak

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What did the dead person say? Nothing, dead people cant talk, coz they are dead

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Yo mamma is so weird most people try to avoid her.

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Knock knock. Who's there? I don't know, i was wondering if you knew.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. The police who? The POLICE, now open the god damn door!

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Patriarchy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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