Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

An arab says allahu akbar, people respect him as he is pronouncing his religion in his place of worship

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What did Edward Cullen say to the hot girl? Since I am a vampire it is impossible for me to get an erection.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

How can you treble the value of any Skoda car? Ensure its paintwork, upholstary, floor, lights, wipers, steering wheel, brake, horn, CD player, radio and clutch are clean and/or sound; fill its petrol tank, oil, brake and winscreen wiper fluid reserves; fit a roof rack; include a red triangle, a fire extinguisher, a blanket and a first aid kit in the sale; take out comprehensive insurance and pay a year's road tax and MOT before selling it.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had escaped from a KFC slaughterhouse, and proceeded forward to avoid getting caught. However, the chicken did not consider the childhood lectures off his parents about crossing the road safely, and got ran over by a black Golf GTI, and died instantly.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What do you get if you cross a goat with a horse? Long letters of complaints by animal rights groups

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What's the difference between a black man and a bench? A bench can support a family

thumb_up thumb_down -29

I like trees. Trees hate you. Bye.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

A coach walks into the team dressing room at halftime; his team is down 42-0. He screams at the players, "You guys are playing like a bunch of grannies. No offense"

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What do you get when you cross a helicopter, elephant, and a rhino? Heliphino

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What's in the sky? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a helicopter.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What's worse than slipping on a banana peel? Amanda Todd's suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Yolo: Your Oppurtunity Lies Upon...... oh, wait upon starts with a u... YOLU

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Try not to laugh at this joke... Knock knock Who's there? Ha ha ha Ha ha ha who? I told you not to laugh

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What do you call a black man with a PhD and loving family? A nigger

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What is the most effective abstinence plan? There is none.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Q. When's The Best Time To Wear A Striped Sweater? A. All The Time.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What do you call a black man selling drugs? A pharmacist

thumb_up thumb_down -35

How do you make a plumber cry? I'm sorry but our princess is in another castle.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Why was little David sad? His father got hit by a truck.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

why did matt die? He had cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -37

A horse walks into a bar. The waiter asks: 'Why the long face?' The horse, not understanding English, takes a crap on the floor and walks out.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Q: Whats worse than Coke A: Diet Coke

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Why did the black man die? He was shot

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops