roses are red violets are blue i have no money could i have some

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I like my wine like I like my women. Not at all.

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A blonde woman, a brunette woman and a redhaired woman walk into a bar. They can be considered fiscally responsible because it was two for one Ladie's Night.

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chuck norris threw a grande and killed 50 people then the grande blew up

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You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends nose. But you can't rob a bank. That's a felony.

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Q: What did the vomiting man say to his friend? A: BLEEEAAARRRGGHH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to his wife? A: BLAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!!! Q: What did the vomiting man say to the waiter in the restaurant? A: BLAAAAAARGH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to Leonardo DiCaprio? A: BLEEEEAAAARRGH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to the convenience store clerk? A: BLAAAAAARRRGGGGHHHH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to your mom? A: BLAAAARRRGGGHH!!!! Q: What did the vomiting man say to Barack Obama? A: BLAAAARRRRRGGHHHH!! Q; What did the vomiting man say to the King of Saudi Arabia? A: BLAAAAAAAAAAAEEEAAARRGH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to the bartender? A: BLLLEEEEAAAARRGHHHH!!! Q: What did the vomiting man say to the funeral home director? A: BLLLEEEAAAARRRGGGHHH!!

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Q) How many times did the woman jump off the cliff? A) Once she died.

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How do you save a drowning Asian teenage boy? You get him out of the water.

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it thought it was a game. Why did the tree fall over? Because it thought it was a squirrel.

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How do you confuse a Mexican? Stand in the middle of a crosswalk while shouting "Cthulu will rise!" whilst looking at the sky and playing "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" by Wang Chung. Works every time.

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Grandpa loved a good joke, he died laughing. The doctor said it was a severe stroke probably brought on by smoking aggravated by high cholesterol and high blood pressure.

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What's blue and looks like water? Yes.

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What did the worm a fisherman used to catch fish called when the worm killed a trout? Master Bate.

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A man walks into a bar, he purchases a drink from the barman proceeds to finish the drink and then leaves.

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You haven't happened to see a cigarette truck around here have you? What's a truck?

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Oracle horacle, you big bloated boracle!

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Who looks like a bird and can fly to hogwarts? Dean McKee. his scar is f u c k i n g rotten

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a dog jumping up and catching a frisbi

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Why did John get hard? He froze to death

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What's green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree, it'll kill you? A pool table.

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Q why did the girl scream A she got hit with an axe

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A man attempts to sign in to PlayStation Network... And succeeds, proceeding to enjoy the console's numerous award winning exclusive titles such as LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted 2, along with utilizing the system's Blu Ray capabilities and playing with his friends online in an absolutely free network, on what many consider to be the superior console to the Xbox 360.

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Why is the sky blue? Because it is

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Knock Knock Nobody Nobody who? Nobody, did you not hear what I just said.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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