Q: what's red and blue and covered in piss? A: everything. I'm so sorry.

What's big and white and wilbkill you if it falls from a tree? My dick.

whats on object, almost tube like that squirts thick white liquid from the top elmer's glue

Why did the pumpkin when orange is not a letter in Spanish? Because moon shoes are der milf

What's better than wining the para Olympics? Wining the Olympics.

If you are what you eat, then imagine a prostitute.

Why can't the blonde dial 911? The battery on her phone is dead and she needs to recharge it. (Good thing there's no emergency.)

Your momma is so dumb that her IQ is 3 standard deviations below that of an average person.

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How many people are in the world? More than one. -David Papile

Why did timmy's face turn red? Early that morning Timmy was brutally attacked by the local street gang which proceeded to smack timmy's face with a baseball bat and smearing the blood with a dirty rag.

Blind jokes are not funny! I just don't see the humor in them

a man walks into a bar... he was shot to death because he was a slave during the 1910s

Yo momma is so fat that....actually she's quite fit and i'd love to take her out on a date.

If an ugly person got raped. What would that be called? Nothing. It is never gonna happen. Kelvin Yang.

What did the cricket say to the fox? Cricket.

Hollywood today: If you Like Dragonball Evolution you are gonna love this. Peter Linkoff a 16 year old boy, is being chased by his half brother Jack Ganonbad as Peter Falls into a hole, which contains a cellphone... ...THE LINK TO PLANET ZELDA! There he discovers that he holds the Link between earth and Zelda, and just then planet Zelda is threatened by The Evil Master Sword! A Meteor so destructive, that it sheer force could destroy the entire universe! *Random scenes going by so fast that you cant make shit out of them begins* "PETER LINKOFF YOU ARE IN DANGER!" *BOOOOOOM*" "BUT WHAT IF HE IS NOT THE DELIVER OF THE BOOMERANG!" Iiiit is said... Thhaat heee that wields the lasergun known as the wooden sword...<

What did the alien say to the other alien? It's hard to say. They could use an inefficient form of aural analog communication, or a hyper-advanced form of telepathy. Either way, modern science hasn't brought us far enough to determine.

Why did the boy fall off his bike? His mother threw a brick at him.

My friends and family all recommended me for alcoholics anonymous, but all i had to say is that my father didn't raise me to be quitter.

A man walks into a bar and orders a pop because he was a designated driver

You mama's so fat, that the doctor suggested that she go on a diet.

How do you starve a black man?.........take away his food!!

How many cows does it take to swim on land? 4.2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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