How many shots do you have to take to start feeling light-headed? Ask JFK.

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Why does Matt Daly do in his free time? it involves his finger and his own buttwhole

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Mike and Richard were walking down the street together Richard left because of Mike's garlic breath

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My Jimmy Saville advent calendar is rubbish. It only opens from 1 to 16.

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What did the jacket say to the girl? Zip me up wait why am I talking

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A man walks into a bar, he then gets a giant bump on his head as he passes out and is rushed to the hospital.

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What did the one battery say to the other? Nothing. Batteries can't talk.

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A man walks into a coffee shop and buys a bookshelf.

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven has an extra penis

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24

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What did the orange say to the lemon? "Hello"

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A white man went to the basketball court to play basketball and was confronted by a group of black men. They kindly invited the white man to play basketball with them and they had a nice day

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There was a Indain and cowboy hunting together. the Indian put his ear down to the gound and said "buffulo come". The cowboy said he didnt see anything when the Indian said, "its Sticky!!!

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The power of Mindfuck: What if you can only walk left when you are right? And if you can walk right when you are the only one left? What is left when everything is right? Moral: Create a right world by taking the left road? YOU PIECE OF FILTH!

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Q:Why are all of the vampires extinct? A:AIDS is a serious disease. You shouldn't joke about it.

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George Washington, a priest, a nazi and a jew are on a plane that's going to crash. There is only one parachute. George Washington says "For my country" and jumps off without a parachute. The priest says "For God" and jumps off without a parachute. The nazi says "For Hitler" and pushes the jew off and takes the parachute.

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Good friends are like snowflakes. They disappear when you pee on them.

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The air is green The grass is blue I'm bot stoned.. I'm just high

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What do you call a black person who flies a plane? A pilot!

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Roses are blue Violets are too I've got Alzheimer Roses are red

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Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock, whos there? Not sally

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Roses are red Violets are red Grass is red OMFG MY LAWN IS ON FIRE !!!?

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NA LINDOL BA KAPAG NATALON ANG MATATABA :8

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Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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