Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did you get for your birthday? I got older

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call a purple chicken eating a bicycle? A purple chicken eating a bicycle

thumb_up thumb_down -11

why did the chicken cross the road? he saw a rather desperate looking homeless person coming towards him, and, realizing he had no change, figured it was the best way to avoid an awkward situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's better than r a p e? Consensual sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

why did the man take a poo because his rectum exploded

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why didn't Little Timmy's parrot talk? It's neck had snapped.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A horse walks into a bar. It doesn't order anything or say anything because it is a horse. It proceeds to walk around and knock over a few tables before finding the door.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A black guy and a white guy both interview for a job. The black guy gets the job because he is college educated and highly qualified.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why was the Mexican man in the rich man's garden? Because he enjoys flowers.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? When you think that there is no worm in your apple, but after your second bite you look down in disgust as you notice you have eaten half of the worm and see the other half wriggling about in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

why do fat people eat so much? who cares

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Yo momma is so stupid, she has no job, five kids, and six weeks to live, due to the fact she spent all her money on cigarettes and now has lung cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the father say to his son? I'm leaving and I'm not actually your father.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Roses are red Violets are blue This poem sucks Because violets are purple

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Will you please answer one question for me? "Yes" Thank you. -walk away-

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun! So I KILL YOU!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what is more funny than watching a baby fly in a circle at 100 mph stopping it with a shovel

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Who wins the battle of climbing a fence, the Mexican Man or the Black Man? The Mexican Man, the Black Man is still hanging from the tree.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why are black people so good at basketball? Because they work hard at it

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call two black men sitting on the porch? Craig and Smokey

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Did you hear that Jerry Sandusky won the swimming race? He's in very good shape for a man his age.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What is the worst thing about a couple of white kids playing with a couple of black kids? There are no parks or recreation centers within walking distance from there houses.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops