why is my wife crying? because she doesn't like tomatoes

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How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at its face.

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Friends are like trees, if you deprive them from water they'll die.

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Caca.

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a man walks into a bar he has a few drinks and announces to his friends that hes driving home, dave (one of his friends) tells him that its a bad idea and takes his keys off of him until the next day.

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Why doesn't little jimmy ride his favourite bike to school any more? He was playing on the platform at at the railway station, tripped and fell across the track, at which point a seven carriage train came through at over 150 mph and cut through his upper thighs crushing everything in his legs and causing them to fall off.

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Why did the black man fall asleep in the unemployment line? Well, he was dangerously fatigued from having weeped passionately the entire night in the arms of his wife after losing his high-earning job of 20 years and consequently finding out that his only daughter was in a tragic school bus accident.

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A woman wearing a very fancy, striped sweater walks into a bar and sits down. The bar tender asks her “what’ll it be”?. The girl replies “Just a beer for me”. As this happens a child in Africa dies from complications due to starvation.

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A lady was walking to the grocery store as she was walking she saw a old lady with a dog behind them where two black merses and about 200 women behind the merses. The lady Rushes over and ask '' Maim i am sorry to bother you but i would like to know who you lost and how?'' The old lady paused for a minute and awnsered '' I lost my husband and mother in law, Well My husband had just walked in to the house and my new dog went and ferousiously atacted him my mother in law had been living with us at the time she the jumped in and tried to help him They both died because of blood loss'' The lady looked at her with simpathy and thought i feel sorry for her husband and his mother she then asked '' Can i barrow your dog'' the old lady looked puzzled and said '' Get in line '' The lady walked to the end of the line as the dog was Passed to a women and taken home then passed back. When the women got her turn she thought do i want to kill my husband then she thought yes

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What's a foot long and slippery, a slipper

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Why does Derrek Ashmore act so feminine on his facebook statuses? Because he has a vagina so it is appropriate for him

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A Chinese kid fails his math test.

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a boy put a blanket oveer his head one night... He was warm for the rest of the night

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to your house... knock knock who's there the chicken

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Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick.

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What's faster than a black man carrying your TV? The law enforcement that promptly catches him and is about to charges him with theft regardless of his ethnicity because stealing someone else's property is just generally an unlawful thing to do.

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Why was the little boy late for school? Because he was hit by a truck.

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Q: Whats the difference between a baby and a tire swing? A: I don't have a tire swing hanging in my backyard.

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That day where Captain America becomes too weak and frail to hold his own shield.

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What do gay cows eat? Grass.

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What do you call a black guy riding a unicycle? A black guy riding a unicycle.

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Racecar is spelled the same forwards and backwards. Masturbation does not work.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police. The police who? Your son has been in a car accident and has died.

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Your mother's so fat.....When she gets on the scale, it tells her how much she weighs

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops