What did bob order at pizza hut? Pizza

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Not having an apple

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In a tangential universe Crispin Glover is the head of scientology

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What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One is fun to smash with a sledgehammer. The other is a baby.

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woman..parallel parking

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Why did the baby cross the road? 'cause i kicked it.

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How many Jews does it take to change a light bulb? One.

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Why did the TV fall of a cliff? Because a nice man was donating it to the homeless shelter which hangs over a cliff. The man placed the TV in the back room on the floor. There was a weak spot on the floor and when the fattest homeless person walked over the floor, the floor broke which was a HUGE inconvenience because he TV and the fat man fell through the floor and over the cliff, luckily the TV was plugged in so it was hanging by the cord but an old lady with Alzheimer's forgot that there was a hole in the floor and unplugged the TV so she could clean the switches. In the end the TV fell off the cliff.

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Continents are large islands.

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Knock Knock. - Whose there? ... ... ... ... Damn kids.

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What was so sad about the white woman who dropped her Starbucks? It fell on her baby in a nearby stroller giving it third degree burns, disfiguring its face.

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An Indian lady is pushing her child down a footpath in a stroller whilst leading her dog. A refridgerator lands on the mother. Why did the Chinese man behind her cry? Because loss of life is a frantic event and having witnessed such an event he was deeply shocked. He was also sad that no dogs were killed. This is because a dog killed his wife in a freak accident and he has held a grudge against the species ever since.

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What do you get when you cross your eyes? A headache.

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A priest, a minister, and a rabbi all walk into a bar and ask the bartender for a drink, but in response the bartender politely points out that there are probably people in need of their assistance at their respective place of warship.

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A zen master walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The vendor says, "Sorry, we're out of relish." Then the zen master tells him, "Sir, I don't think you get the joke. As you can see by my long silk robes and fu manchu, I am clearly a zen master. And I have used a pun that would make you think I were asking for enlightenment from a hot dog." The vendor then says, "We don't take too kindly to wise guys here." And then the prick gets up and tosses me into the street!

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roses are red violets are blue some poems make sense banana monkey glue

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Where did the farmer take his pigs on Saturday afternoon? the Slaughterhouse

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Why do people on here submit anti-jokes involving children getting raped or killed? Because the people on this website are sadists. =/

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Hey! You wanna' hear a joke? Black Freedom

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Q: What happened when the Mexican went to the doctors? A: He was diagnosed with depression.

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How do you dance to the black eyed peas? You don't you listen

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What's black and white and red all over? A penguin after being attacked by a man with a mace.

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What does a homeless guy do when he's hungry ? Nothing, he has no food.

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Why did John kill Maris? Because Maris killed his family.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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