Why did little timmy cry? He was nailed to a ceiling fan.

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how did the cat call 9-1-1? very carefully as cats do not have opposable thumbs, making the whole situation rare, and semi-improbable.

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What happens if you accidentally say your best-male friend's name instead of your boyfriend's name during sex? Nothing, they're both named Adam.

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How do you have problems paying your monthly mortgage if you live in a box emmanuel

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Kid 1 Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken. Kid 2 Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys. Kid 1 You know what? I think you're right Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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What do you call a horse that likes to box? A horse

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Q: What's brown and rhymes with snoop? A: Dr. Dre

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Doctor, my husband tells me he doesn't like my figure .... That's irrelevant now, you've contracted a rare blood disease and will be dead within a month.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms Knock knock Who's there Not Sally

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How to kill a mocking bird? Stab it

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Your moms so fat, she needed repruductive surgury.

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Your friend says "Hi" What do you say back? You say "chunky salsa?" She said "what?" You think she knows you made out with her boyfriend last night. So... You blurt out " I'm SO sorry I made out with your boyfriend lastnight" Know.... Your dead meat.

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i know leaves are green because of chlorophyll but i don't know how to get a mortgage this is the kind if shit your parents pay for

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what did chloe say to alexis? you took my phone

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What does Santa do on Halloween? He gives out candy to the kids who come to his door.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The Gestapo.

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Hey babe, do you like going to sleep without shoes on? Because most people find it more comforting to remove footwear in order to rest and relax peacefully during bedtime.

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A gay man walks into a pregnant woman

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There was once a boy who ate fire. He died of severe burns.

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A horse walked into a bar and ordered a drink. It was nothing out of the ordinary because the Everett-Wheeler interpretation of quantum mechanics is correct and he lived in a parallel universe in which the roles of humans and horses are reversed.

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What do a Penguin, and your best friend have in common? They'll both die if you shoot them in the head.

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Whats worse than losing The Game? The Holocaust

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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