Why did a vampire climb Mount Everest in the middle of the night on his birthday in September?

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How many babys does it take to paint a wall red? 7 and 24 paint brushes cause babys need do overs

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How do you get a Mother out of a tree? Ask them to come down, because it is really not socially acceptable for a responsible adult to be climbing trees.

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What goes up and down but never physically moves? My grade.

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OMG I was sexting my friend and I accidentally sent my naked picture to my parents. What do I do? Tell your friend that you accidentally sent your naked picture to your parents.

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They say once you go black, you never go black. But clearly they weren't referring to Nigel, who had an average-sized penis at best.

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What did the fat guy say to the skinny guy? You're skinny

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person 1:Dude, look at the news person 2:Yea man, its D ick Cheney person 1: what a d ick head

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I remember this one time... I was sleeping... And all of a sudden... I woke up... Yeah.

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Pain is temporary. However, the scars from 3rd degree burns are forever.

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*insert lame joke stolen from the top 10 jokes and think it's original because I changed one word*

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Yo mama so stupid, she should be worried about Alzheimer's disease.

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Knock knock Who's there A girl scout A girl scout who? A girl scout trying to sell cookies to support her alcoholic parents who beat her

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Why couldn't the man read? Because he was illiterate

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What do you call it when a cave man pisses himself running from a t-rex? Historically incorrect.

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Q: whats good about having sex with 18 year olds? A: there's 18 of them.

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Penis Gabriel - Go eat some ice cream! Boner McDaniels - No. Penis Gabriel - Ok.

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Why did Kim Kardashian's and Kris Humphries marriage last so long? It didn't

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: It was dead. Q: Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? A: It was stapled to the first one. Q: Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? A: Peer pressure.

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What do you call an asian man driving a plane? Well you can't drive planes

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A Blonde arives at the airport late, and misses her flight. The airline provides her with a complimentary ticket for a later flight and she departs on that.

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Q: Why are the Black Eyed Peas named the Black Eyed Peas? A: I don't know ask them yourself.

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Two unemployed Irishmen are out looking for work when they pass a lumberyard. There's a sign outside that said "Tree Fellers Wanted". Sean turns to Patrick and says " What a curious way to write that sign. Surely the term is lumberjack?" "Yes," says Patrick "but what with the current economic situation here in Ireland, I say we get in there, apply for the jobs and hope that our lack of experience is overlooked." "Okay." Says Sean. "And let's not mention the whole sign thing." "No."

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Charles Manson is innocent.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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