A man walks into a bar and notices a twelve inch tall man playing a small piano. He asks the bartender about it. The bartender explains that the pianist has worked there for some time, mostly performing on weeknights. The bartender also tells the man that he may be suffering some vision problems, as the pianist is about 5'8" or 5'9". Some time later the man visits an optometrist and finds out he has a severe case of astigmatism.

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Why did the dinosaur rent a DVD in Redbox about a sex? Because he didn't own a Blu-Ray player.

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If John has 10 packs of beer and he drinks 8 packs,what is John left with? Morbid Obesity.

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Whats green and smells like a red apple? A green apple

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What do you call cheese that's not yours? Stolen cheese

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Whats funnier than a black man? A black president

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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How many retards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? No number of them could figure it out. They sit in the dark for hours, scared of the monsters.

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What do you call a kid without any friends? A Sandy Hook survivor

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I'm so punny.

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Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? A: Those that wear them think that said earrings positively accentuate their physical appearance.

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Why didnt Timmy Go to school? He Died.

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what did the panda say to the poachers? please stop killing my family.

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How many electricians does it take to fix a light bulb? One

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Why wasn't the elephant allowed to the pajama party? Because he didnt have any pajamas.

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Weaner

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Why did timmy's face turn red? Early that morning Timmy was brutally attacked by the local street gang which proceeded to smack timmy's face with a baseball bat and smearing the blood with a dirty rag.

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How many babys does it take to paint a wall red? 7 and 24 paint brushes cause babys need do overs

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Why was the woman so hot? she was on fire

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this isn't meant to be a joke, but just letting all of you know, inside jokes don't count and kony jokes aren't funny

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How do you get McFly into a Mini? McFly are a four member band and a mini has four seats so it's actually quite straightforward.

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jack be nimble jack be quick jack is a parapeligic.....there's no need for more

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Ross.

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Q: What do you call a pair of dead babies lying on the ground? A: Slippers

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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