If anything is possible try to staple water to a tree.

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Q. What do you get when you cross a bird with a human? A. Arrested.

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7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,8

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How does your sister ride a bicycle? My sister does not have any legs.

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Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

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Knock, knock! Who's there? No one. No one actually knocked on your door because this is just a joke.

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Q: How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they are too weak to climb the ladder.

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If a brick said "hi" what you reply with? Nothing. You can't reply to something that doesn't speak.

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rodents are bed violents are glue i have lysdexia and short attention spa

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If Oscar Meyer had a dog what kind of dog would it be? A Wiener Dog!!

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A leper sees that a woman has dropped a bag of groceries on the sidewalk. "Hey ma'am, can I give you a HAND?" asks the leper. "No thank you, sir. I can manage." replies the woman. "That's a relief," laughs the leper, shyly. "I am quite weak due to leprocy."

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how do you save a car from falling out of an airplane? I don't know.

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Whats worse than a dumpster full of dead babies? A landfill full of dead babies.

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Life is like the Titanic. You cruise along on course and everything is great -- until you hit an iceberg and 1,517 people die.

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what did the boy say when his friend was having a panic attack? "don't panic!" rather earnestly in the hope that his friend's breathing returned to normal as panic attacks can be very uncomfortable and place too great a strain upon the cardio and respiratory functions.

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What do you call it, when a jew makes fun of a black guy? Racism.

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What is white and shaped like a refrigerator? A refrigerator.

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Bill Bill who? Bill your neighbor. Can I have some flour?

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You can pick your friends you can pick your nose but you cant pick your friends nose.

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Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow? Because her dog was blind too.

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Did you hear about the guy that had his entire left side cut off? He's all right now. Dead but all right.

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What's the difference between a microwave and hamster? They're both furry except for the microwave

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A man walks into a bar............. The bar explodes and everyone dies

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they say a rolling stone gathers... speed until it reaches maximum potential speed and cannot go any faster.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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