Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere

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What did the fat man say to everyone? Hey everyone! I am i fat man!

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Roses are Red, Violets are Red, Everything is Red, I have a retinal hemorrhage

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Roses are red, Violets are brown, F*** who's had a shit in my garden.

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One day, Jimmy didn't wake up.

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Why was the nympho sweating in the park? Because they were having sex on the bench.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?" Turns out a man suffering from schizophrenia believes he is a bartender for animals as his health slowly declines as his family comes to visit him every day.

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What happens when you cut a body in half? An erection.

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Two men were walking down the road when one of them spotted an old lamp lying in a ditch. After examining the lamp's handiwork for several seconds one man rubbed the lamp with his shirt sleeve. The men then continued down the road.

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Songs can be interpreted in many different ways you know: "Whenever, Wherever" - Prostitution "You raise me up" could be an advert for Viagra; And as for "love is in the air" - masturbating from a rooftop comes to mind. [L]

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Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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A brunette, redhead, and a blond were on a road trip when their car broke down in the middle of a desert. The red-head offered to walk down the road to get help, for none of them knew how to repair the car. She walked down the road in the direction they were headed, but never came back. The redhead and blond died several days later in the shade of the car as a result of extensive heat exhaustion.

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a man walks into a bar. it was a metal bar. his balls hurt.

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what do grown up's do at night when everyone lese is asleep? Go to sleep as well

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were at work systems r down

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how did the fat man survive the plane crash? he didn't, he died like everyone else.

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rarw

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What did the man say when he found a bar of soap in his mailbox? Why is there soap in my mailbox?

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how do you make jimmy happy you cant he's in a coma

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? A worm in your intestinal tract.

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Roses are gray Vilots are gray im a dog

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Why was Jenny alone? Everyone else had died in a zombie apocalypse.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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hey i jut met u, and i have alzeihmer, cheese and toast

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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