You still alive? I used to be called proteus by the way, but then you disappeared and Neronism or watever its called now turned insane. I mean we killed you man! Out of mercy, you telling me a jacket changed you and everything? Where have you been? Six million followers? And all the shit that has made "moral man" the most lauded thing on Horsehead is you? Mind helping me make sense out of all of this?

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Oh, go away

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Kevin: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl urinate? Bob: Because it's extinct? Kevin: No you idiot! The P is silent! Pterodactyl: RAARRGHH! (eats Bob)

thumb_up thumb_down -23

How do you stop a car from crashing into a wall? -You can't, you are welcome to try, but please don't.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

roses are red violets are blue i have no money could i have some

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Q: A policeman is working past a room. The window is too high to see in. The person hears "no John, don't", and then a gunshot. He rushes inside and sees a dead body on the floor with a gun beside him. Also in the room are a doctor, a lawyer and a priest. Without asking any questions, he immediately arrests the priest. Why? A: Because the priest is the only male in the room.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

quinn knows four other quinns but he ruined my life so he tells me to stop because im ruining this website but i disagree and now he is trying to tell me a joke and im not listening he is still trying but i don't care because i hate him,

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What is blue and has wheels? Grass- I lied about the colour and the wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What do people and jelly beans have in common? Nothing. One is a living creature, and the other is a tasty treat.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Q-Whos the best server at Sonic? A-Kevin !

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why did the guy run out of the whorehouse? Because when she spread her legs it looked like she was pulling apart a grilled ham and cheese sandwich.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What did God say to the man who just died? Nothing. God and Heaven something parents make up so kids will do the right thing.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

How do you sneak Jews across the border? In an ashtray.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Man: Would you like to see someone Man 2: Sure Man: How bout the inside of an ambulance

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. Alex had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. It started raining and an off-duty police officer picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel for drinks. The friends had a wonderful trip. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months later John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why did Suzy fall of the swing? Cuz she had no arms! B I T C H

thumb_up thumb_down -25

why did the man die? Because he was robbing a bank and police used lethal weapons By- the duck

thumb_up thumb_down -25

if any1 wants contact with me, nina, call me on my cell at 879-555-0934 im looking for a short, chubby man with a hungering taste of mexican taste

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Mikey : I wan to divorce. Miney :are u funking crazy Mikey : no I'm funking dazy !

thumb_up thumb_down -25

This guys grandma comes to live with him. While shes there she has a stroke. He rushes her to the hospital and waits for her to come out of surgery. The doctor comes out and says "i got good news and bad news" The guy says " give me the bad news" the doctor says "your grandma has had a massive stroke and wont be able to go to the bathroom by herself or eat by herself, so you'll have to feed her baby food and change her Diaper for the rest of her life." So then the guy goes " well shit whats the good news" The doctor goes "Ahh im just kidding she died"

thumb_up thumb_down -25

So I was banging this French chick the other day and I couldn't understand what she was saying Turns out I raped her.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

How do you get a black man to run? Ask him how his day has been, catch up on some memories of your time at school together, then challenge him to a foot race.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What's worse than a worm in your apple? The Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops