Why did the house burn down? Obama

Knock Knock! Who's there? I don't remember the rest of the joke but your mom's a whore.

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

Why did Darren Wilson quick scope Michael Brown? Because he was being attacked, racism is wrong

What does the Post Office have in common with a shoe store? Both provide goods and services in exchange for money.

Whats the difference between Rolf Harris and a pedophile Whoops I didn't quite think this one through

There were two men 1 says "hey stupid" and the other man says "Yeah"

Knock knock Who's there? Doctor Doctor who? Doctor dog

who is jacked and looks like a beast? • James Cornish

your momma eats so much ice cream, you often find yourself without anything sweet to eat late at night when you're hungry

A redhead and a blonde both go out to smoke a cigarette. They are both at risk of lung cancer.

This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from a young age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena and his Grandfather's lucky medallion and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in a high security prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse and paedophillia. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

What's worse then finding a worm in ur apple? Nothing it sucks and it's a waste of an apple

Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sarah

A sloth walked into the dentists he was confused

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "I have cancer."

whats worst then being raped tortured and killed? it happening to 500000 puppies DX

Why did the 10-year-old boy get on the computer? He had to finish a project for Social Studies, and it was due the next day.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the deaf kid? A: Neither did he.

how many babies does it take to fill up a blender? None. they all died before being put in a blender.

Why did Superman cross the road? I dunno.

UP

Want to hear a joke? No.

While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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