.... Take my wife..... .... She is lovely....

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Jeremy has 8 apples. Susie has 3. how much does Jason have? Purple because aliens don't like grapes.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Roses are red, Violets are violet They are not blue You stupid twat

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Knock knock "Who's there?" Blood on the Dance Floor "Ha!"

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Yo momma so ugly, except she's not. She's looking beautiful today.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What's worse than accidentally biting your tongue? Hitler accidentally biting your tongue.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Q: What is harder than cleaning off baby bloodstains off a wall? A: Cleaning multiple baby blood stains off a wall.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

How did the blonde girl get pregnant? Sperm enters their vagina and fertilizes an egg cell causing a child to be conceived.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Why is the sky blue? Because bicycles have two tires

thumb_up thumb_down -35

A whale's vagina

thumb_up thumb_down -37

What did the Asian, the black man and the jew have in common? To be honest i really don't know.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Why can't you tell jokes in Base 8? Because 7, 10, 11

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Q.sam is 18 years old, why can't she get her licence? A.because Sam is a lost dog on the street

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Erectile Dysfunction.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

An asian, black man and a white guy are stranded in a desert with no food and no water, so what do they do Die

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Roses are red, violets are blue, the face like yours belongs to the zoo. Please don't be sad, 'cos I'll be there too.. Not in the cage but laughing at you!

thumb_up thumb_down -39

whats worse than your little sster being raped? her being raped by your father.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

What is brown and sticky? A chocolate ice cream made with too much margarine and not enough of the ice mixture used to make Mr Whippy

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Why don't you play uno with Mexicans? Because they collect all the green cards.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

A worm slowly crawled through the ground, only to be eaten by an incoming bird.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

There are two types of people in the world: humans

thumb_up thumb_down -47

mangos mandarins mushrooms mustache :{

thumb_up thumb_down -49

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says why the long face? The horse does not reply because it is a horse. He then is confused of where he is and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a couple stools.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops