What did the duck say to the flag? NOTHING DUCKS CANT SPEAK or flags

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Two men walk into a bar... ..I didn't say what type of bar...

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P.E.N.I.S P-enis E-nis N-is I-s S

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What did hitler say to the jews? Die.

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Okay, I just really want you to trust me again,

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A three and a half foot tall clown walks into a bar, it is quickly learned that he is only 8 years old and is excorted out by security.

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Q. What do you get when a banana and a person mate? A. The banana suffocates

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"I like my women like I like my coffee, in a cup." -Paul Alangadan

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Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. He calls the right number.

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Knock knock? Who's there? A Jehovah's Witness. Oh. Knock knock? Who's there? Not me!

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What's the difference between a teacher and a train? A lot.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because he was hungry and mcdonalds was across the street

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Guess what my grandma told me yesterday.. Nothing she's dead.

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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Good friends enjoying a summer activity.

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A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"

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SCP-009-J is missing. Where has it gone? Is it under the table? Was it sat upon? Is it there on the ceiling? Is it under the rug? Was it gobbled right up by a quantum pillbug? Did it run through the tunnel? Did it fall down the stair? Was it sent back in time to a carnival fair? Did it get on a train to a far-away place? Is it locked in a falsified beacon from space? Did it fall in the oobleck and [DATA EXPUNGED]? If it clogged up the sink, will it have to be plunged? Just where has SCP-009-J gotten to? Oh wait, that's right! SCP-009-J is you!

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wsedrtyujiKFKJKLEFL;LKJRG Blame the economy. Don't hit me, I'm a girl! EQUAL RIGHTS, EQUAL RIGHTS!

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If a tree falls, and nobody is around to hear it, does it still make a sound? No. While the falling tree surely creates mechanical oscillations in the air, sound is defined as the mechanical oscillations in the air perceived by humans. Therefore, since no humans were around to hear the tree fall, it did not create a sound.

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whats red and looks like a bucket? a red bucket whats blue and looks like a bucket? a red bucket in disguise

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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Well that, my friend, is a good question.

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why did the one handed man cross the road? to get to the secondhand shop.

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Dr Dr I think I have diarrhea You have irritable bowel syndrome, I recommend IBS support

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What do you do when jews take over your country? Invade Poland.

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how many jews can you fit in a volkenswagen? 2 jews in the front 2 jews in the back 15 jews in the ashtray

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops