hey do you eat out a woman properly? you cook her first and then eat her. -jeffery dahmers

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Why couldn't Austin eat his noodles? He was a horse, and horses don't have hands, silly goose!

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I was sitting next to a man with jelly in one ear and peanut butter in the other, so I turned to him and said "Are you a trifle deaf?" and he said "No, I'm mentally ill."

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Here's a little diddy I wrote for One Direction: Now One Direction, don't forget that we all know About the antics that you pull at your own live shows Like you take your own lyrics and give 'em a swerve Now they either make no sense or make you sound like pervs And Liam, why you swiping cameras and phones? What you need a girl's number cause you're crusin alone? And another thing, it's a frickin spoon for God's sake What did this thing impale your puppy with a giant frickin stake? And so One Direction, we now all think That in about a year, y'all are gonna go N*SYNC and disappear cause N*SYNC isn't around any...aw you know!

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A stand-up comedian quits his job. He has social anxiety and can't stand the pressure.

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Hey you wanna hear a joke? Sure! Well first, do you want part of my sandwich? No thanks.........Are you going to tell your joke? Joke? Um sure. I didn't know I was telling one. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's. Would you like part of my sandwich?

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Why did the black man buy watermellon? Because he was having a barbecue in his suburban neighborhood and he wanted some fruit.

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Why did the blonde walk into the wall? I lied it was nathaniel nugnes

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How can you ruin someone's day? Tell them their mother has cancer. No really, I found out my mom has cancer a week ago.

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roses are red violets are blue you know what? im sick and tired of this joke.

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Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

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What do you get if you cross a fairy cake with some boiled parsnips? Fladgemuffin

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Knock, knock Whos there? docter doctor who? yes how did you know?

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Q: What's worse than a pile of dead babies? A: The live one at the bottom trying to eat his way out. Q: What's worse than that? A: When he comes back for more.

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What did the sheriff call the death of a black man who was shot 14 times? -The worst case of suicide he'd ever seen.

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1: Knock Knock. 2: Who's there? 1: To. 2: To Who? 1: To whom.

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A mans wife gets pregnant after he has a visectomy... She was artificially inseminated using sperm he froze before the operation

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What is yellow, has wheels, and lays on it's back? A school bus after a traffic accident

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Knock knock Who's there? Dave Dave who? Dave Smith.

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A: you have a strong arm. B: yea i work ou- A: you can master bate a whale.

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Why was the kid running around? He was on fire

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? She didn't.

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Your mothers so dumb that when she had to take a math test, she received a significantly lower grade than the rest of her classmates.

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Q: Why was the gorrilla arrested? A: He broke a law.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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