what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? nothing you already told her twice

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A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

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Yo mamma's so fat, she should try NutriSystem.

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knock knock who's there? roses are red, violets are blue, i shit in a bag and now its in flames on your porch

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Why couldn't Carys answer the phone? - She had an ear infection.

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Q: Why couldn't Katie ride a bike? A: Because she has leprosy.

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What is Green and taste like an apple? An Apple

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Why did the moron jump through the window?

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Jehovah's Witnesses.

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Have you heard about the new German microwave? It's a great labour-saving appliance that cooks food much more quickly than a conventional oven

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I was sitting in traffic the other day. I got ran over

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What does a turtle do on its back? NOTHING!

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The Bible

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What's worse than the Broncos losing the Superbowl? Your iPhone not working anymore

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have short-term memory loss. And roses are red.

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What's the difference between a pizza and a jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven

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So once upon a midnight dreery.... In a galaxy far far away that takes place in the past but resembles a technologically advanced future, an evil sith overlord took an innocent Jedi knight and turned him in a cybernetic killing machine. In the end, he dies

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^that joke's not funny

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A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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So I was making this glass of milk right? So I get the milk out. And I get the soup out.. then I go...wait a minute...where'd the glass of soup come into this glass of situations? *smile+awkard pause because nobody will laugh at this=Success of this anti joke...try it*

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders house? No, he hasn't either

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Why wasn't the woman in the kitchen? Because she was in the living room.

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Like CHUCK NORRIS, CHUCK NORRIS like You !

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know your mother is a skank.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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