Fine, the facts add up, excuse me if disinfecting what is left of my eyeball hurts like a bitch and reminds me of the fun I had losing about half of it and my eyelid left/right eyelid (I cannot tell left from right, I was born that way, on the bright side I can use both hands for everything). You know, I am sorry for taking such drastic measures, you know I could have spent the entire day with my wife and both my eyes, we where going on a trip around the world and stuff. Instead she is in police custody and I am stuck looking like a fucking pirate and my friend here does not quite get that its not the aching burning pain of living hell that gets to me, but rather the sensation of feeling pain at the core of my fucking eye whose sensation is so fucking overwhelming that I get just a little bit ticked off. Fucking hell am I glad we do not have a kid. I cannot pick up the phone, you see, its not my number, I paid off a couple of friends (do not really know them) To change their names to Nero. Now, if this is true and you have no idea who assaulted me, then you should have no problem knowing that I wont reveal where you live because we live pretty close to one another, you are not the only one that has proxies. If you do not mind you will have to chat with me here for a while, my eye hurts like a bitch and the fucked up sensation gives me just a tiny bit of anxiety, I will answer the phone, when my fucking hands stop trembling, I already dropped the fucking cell twice. Now it is busted and my friend is trying to put the chip into the other one yadayada, given the conditions I will call you,

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Yo mama's so ugly, she has difficulty attracting a partner.

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Justin Bieber

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Why didn't the millionaire jump off the Golden Gate Bridge? He said "I don't have to commit suicide, that's for poor people" (Wyndellberg)

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Why didn't the Mexican kid go to school? Because he was sick.

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A few lice were drinking wine on a scalp. It is quite strange that a person had wine on their scalp.

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Q: Where do you go when its cold? A: A corner because its 90 degrees.

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Why did the family at dinner not tip the waiter? He was mean and spat in their food.

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Why couldn't the 11-year old get into the pirate movie? It was rated PG-13.

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I couldn't decide whether to buy a pepperoni or a meat feast pizza? So i got neither and my two year old son died of starvation.

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How come Asian's are so clever? Their baby food is blended textbook paste.

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What do you call a black priest? Holy shit!!

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what did the guy say to the other guy? nothing because right before he was going to say something he was hit by a truck and got knocked out for 11 hours and right before he was going to wake a plane crashed into the hospital and everybody died except for two gay guys.

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Your mamma's so fat she has been called morbitally obese

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob. What do you call a man with no arms or legs in front of your door? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on your wall? Art.

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Why did suzie fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not suzie!!

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Why did Sally fall off the swingset? she had no arms... Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally

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Internet Explorer

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What did the Jew say to the German? He said hello.

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Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass

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darude- sandstorm

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Why was i said when 4 black people in a cadillac fell over a cliff. The car blew up...

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What's worse than finding a real joke on anti-joke? Getting voted down to page 4067

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Why did the prestigious college accept the Native American student? Trick question, Native Americans don't exist anymore.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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