A gorilla walks into a bar and gets a banana martini. The bartender thinks that this is peculiar, and then he realizes he is dreaming. He wakes up and tells his wife about this ridiculous dream that he had. His wife ignores him, and the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes that his marriage is in shambles.

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2 muffins were in the oven when one turned to the other and said. "Damn it's hot in here" The second muffin looked at him with a shocked expression and exclaims "She's burning the potatoes!"

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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Guy 1: What is long, hard and full of semen? Guy 2: A submarine. Guy 1: No, my penis.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? -Because he was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? -He was stapled to the first one Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? -He thought it was a game Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? -He had no arms Why did the girl fall off her bike? -She was hit by 3 monkeys and a refrigerator

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Tell me you're a rapist. You're a rapist. This joke makes no sense. Mashed potatoes.

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What is the difference between an anti-joke and a joke? The word anti before anti-joke.

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do you know what Noah didn't bring on his arc? unicorns

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Religion.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Jehovah's Witness

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Why are apples cheaper than lemons? Because you have to pay less money then lemons to buy them

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sex with dead people. they can't say no;)

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Your mom is so stupid that her parents were probably ashamed of her low grades.

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Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Getting raped by two giant black scorpions.

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A blonde dies Lololol

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John went to the shop to purchase a can of coca cola. He left the shop with a can of coca cola.

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Q. What did the girl on drugs get for Easter? A. Down Syndromes Disease.

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Who's the best German Chef? Hitler

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Why did the guy fail his driving test? He was blind.

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Roses are Red Violets are Red My Garden is on Fire.

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What did the black guy who was lost in Syria say? "Where am I?"

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your mummas so ugley that it looks like it court fire and your family put it out with forkes

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Why did 3 kids mom's die last year? Because they were depressed and committed suicide.

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Roses are red, But ravens are black, Please go to China, and never come back!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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