Roses are red, Violets are blue, No, violets are VIOLET, That’s why they’re called “violets.” Edmund Spenser was an idiot.

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two flowers in a meddow recently bloomed a cow came over and ate them, and the cow died of herpes the next day

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What did the shark say to the beached whale? Nothing.

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What do you call a bird that can't fly? A dead bird

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Roses are black, Violets are black, I am blind.

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"hey woody can i ask you a question" "sure buzz" "why is it your name is woody but they use me as a vibrator"

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Q: Wy couldn't the T-rex grab the other Dinosor? A: Because he is extinct.

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KNOCK KNOCK who's there? OUCH! what's your door knob made of? nails?

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Why did the man pee his pants? Because he was paralyzed from the waist down and had no way of feeling

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Fact: 100% of people who drink alcohol will die.

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The scientists of Cambridge have finally developed a cure for feeling low! They have presented it in the style of a song. See if you can spot the hidden frequency wavelengths when you sing it out lout. They are what make you feel better. You've got to LOVE the world! Be a friend! And when You're down you've got to get up again! And when your blue, here's what you do. Just sing this happy tune! However if that fails, then you should consider getting professional help.

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What's worse than one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

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Why cant African children read? While there are many contributing factors the largest would probably be the lack of a standardized education system mainly due to the logistical factors involved in reaching so many wide spread communities. Also the current economic climate and general disregard for civilians by the governments in these area would suggest that the states' focus would be on other issues besides the welfare of their citizens, this is probably similar to other countries in similar situations such as middle eastern, eastern european, and latin and south america. Then again, not really being educated on this issue in almost any way, has probably contributed to a broad generalization, and so the premise of this joke is most likely flawed in any case.

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A guy walks into a bar. He meets a girl and they have a great time. He calls her the next day and their relationship continues for many months. Eventually they get married and have children.

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From a picture, it is difficult to tell the difference between an apatosaurus and a diplodocus.

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If 2 trains are going 60 mph, their going in opposite directions towards each other, they are slowing down 1 mile per hour per 10 miles and they are 100 miles away, would you rather have Coke or Pepsi?

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Q: Why didn't the dirty man jump into the shower? A: Because he spotted the potential danger to jump into a slippery shower and proceeded with caution.

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There once was a man from Kentuckit, who like to dissapear with his dog and clean up the shit using a plastic bag and put it in the allocated public bin.

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what does a deer and grass have in common? they are both green but i lied about the deer

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A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says, "You know, you have a steering wheel down your pants?" The pirate says, "I know, I was just raped by a group of men who thought it would be funny to humiliate me as much as possible. The bartender then called 911 seeing that a horrible crime had just been committed.

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What's pink and when you press a button it turns red? A baby in a blender. What's pink and when you hit it against the wall sounds metallic? A baby with two forks stuck in its eyes.

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A man walked into a bar. He was meeting his friends but was 30 minutes early so he went down the road to buy some food. He had recently began dieting after watching a series of lifestyle programs which informed him of the potential risks involved with high cholesterol and blood pressure levels. He purchased a garden salad and a freshly squeezed orange juice, and made it back to the bar in time to meet his friends.

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a man walked in to a bar and said 'outch'

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Q. What do you call Lebron James on a roller Coster? A. A man who makes a lot of money and decided to take his family out on a family fun day to an amusement park.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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