A man walked into a bar. What did he say? Ouch.

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how many babies does it take to paint a wall red? depends on how hard you throw em

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Why did the black man shoot everyone? Because he is black

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A woman is about to buy a house and is faced with a difficult decision. She must choose which house she'll buy the next day. During the night she thinks about it and the next morning she has made a rational decision. What house did she choose ? TRICK QUESTION - Women can't make rational decisions.

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Well I do want it to end now but...WHAT? How did you get that trough? I thought hypnosis was supposed to increase awareness and focus.

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what smells like red paint but is blue paint?

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A: Knock knock. B: Who's there? A: Banana! B: Not you again..(slams door)

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What's the biggest difference between the East and West Coast? About 3,000 miles.

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Why was the woman making a sandwhich in the kitchen? She was hungry.

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What's blue and orange at the bottom of a swimming pool? A dead baby, why's it there? I popped the arm bands.

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What's worse than being gay? Dying in a gas chamber in the Holocaust.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

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When Chuck Norris does a push up, he pushes himself up.

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I went to the store and I fell

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There was a Mexican in a bomb shop ?

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a duck walks into a bar, sits down and asks for grapes. the bartender says, "no, we don't serve grapes." so the duck leaves. the next day the duck goes back to the bar, takes a seat. "got any grapes?" the bartender says, "i already told you we don't serve grapes here. if you come in here and ask for grapes one more time, i'm going to staple your beak to the wall!" the duck leaves. the next day, the duck returns, sits at the bar and asks, "got any staples?" the bartender replies, "no, but there's an Office Max next door where you might find some."

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A woman got in her car to drive to work. She kept her hands on the wheel and eyes on the road and was able to avoid any accidents that could have occurred.

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A guy sitting at a bar was getting really impatient for his drink, so when the bartender asked if everything was fine, he yelled, "No, it's not! Where the f*** is my drink?!" The bartender replied, "I'm not sure what you're asking, 'cause I don't know what letters the asterisks are replacing."

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What do you call your mum without an umbrella? Saturated Fat

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Knock Knock "Who's There?" *No answer* The man proceeds to go on with his life

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2 guys walk into a bar, a third guy carefully ducks under it

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why does king kong so fat? because he eats to much

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Your mama's so fat, she gets confused with Santa Claus.

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Do you know what's fun about having sex with twenty-seven year-olds? There are twenty of them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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