Knock Knock Who's there? me oh

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Oxygen and magnesium are going out OMG Think science the you might get it If not O oxygen mg magnesium

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What's green and invisible? This cabbage

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Why couldn't the dog fetch? It's back legs were useless after it got run over.

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What did the guy who had cancer get for Christmas? Death.

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Why did i write this joke knowing i wont get published? I don't know.

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I got a fever, and the only prescription is more ibuprofen.

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Boom.

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Whats pink and fluffy? Pink Fluff.

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a guy who can fly walks up a hill and jumps off a cliff. his flying power fails him and he dies on impact

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-Is Michael Jackson dead? - HELL YEAH HE'S DEAD!!

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Burger King cashier: Are you on Team Jacob or Team Edward? Man: I'm on team I'm freaking hungry; now give me my food!

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What did Jesus say when he was nailed to the cross? AHHHH WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!?!?!? MY HAND!!! MY HAND!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!! JUST KILL ME!!! PLEASE WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?! MY OTHER HAND AHHHH!!! HAHAAAAAAAAAaaaa..... AHHHHHHH WHY?!?! MY LEG!!!! MY FOOT NO!!!!! PLEASE!!!!! Ah AH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAA HAHAHAaaa WHYYYYYYYYY!?

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Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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What happened to the boy who fell off the swing? He got hurt.

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What did Little Timmy say when his house fell down? I'm not sure but that sounds like a very sad event that I hope to never encounter in my personal experiences.

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A man rubs a magic lamp nothing happens

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "How'd you open the door?"

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What did the school bully get for his birthday? Beaten by his alcoholic father. Children are a product of their environment and his father's abusive nature towards his son forced the young boy to act out in class giving him the reputation of a bully.

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The meme walks out of the bar.

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Why did the old lady start crying? Because her daughter was raped and killed.

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What did John F. Kennedy say to Kurt Cobain? Nothing. They never met.

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What came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. The single celled amoeba. As billions of years passed, the simple amoeba began to form limbs which it utilized to crawl its way out of the ocean onto dry land. Millions of years would pass before the simplified organism began to develop into a fully functional chicken.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face (pokerface)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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