What makes women so mystifying and beautiful? Tits.

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Q: What happened to the teenage girl and the serial rapist at Denny's around midnight? A: They both ordered the french toast Grand Slam breakfast (at Denny's, its breakfast any time!!).

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how do you wake up lady gaga poke her face

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a Jew had a small nose

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What happens when you turn back time? You get "emit."

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I like my woman like I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer.

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Why did the blonde kid lose the spelling bee? Because she misspelled a word.

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Q: What did the first kid say to the second kid before he handed him a pencil? A: May I have a pencil?

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Why can't black people swim? Because most African American individuals grow up in inner urban cities where they have little or no access to swimming facilities.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your porch? Matt.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? A scorpion was trying to sting it in the anus and it wanted to escape the undoubtedly painful consequences.

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A cow walks into a bar and says, "moo."

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"I can't wait to eat this bagle!" "Yes you can." "Yeah, I guess you're right."

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What worse than a baby nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to ten trees.

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Knock knock! Whos there? Me. Now open the door.

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A person was born on may 5th 1955 and one day noticed that they had $555.55 in their bank account. The person went to a race and betted all their money on the 5th runner in the 5th race. What happened? The runner came in 5th place.

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Why are you asleep? Because I'm tired.

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What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age? Moisturise with a good quality moisturiser, use high factor suncream on the face, get plenty of sleep, drink plenty of fluids, wear a hat and sunglasses and stay in the shade between 11am and 3pm, and try to eat a diet that is heart-healthy (for example, wholegrain, oily fish, and/or flax seed), as heart failure over a long time leads to sagging skin with a loss of elasticity.

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My dog has no nose." "How does it smell?" "Potato"

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I hope you take your own wise words to heart Nero, how would you like to claim to be me and get our ship somewhat on land before it all goes to pieces? After all I have been claiming to be you for a long long time.

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whats the main reason Mexicans have legs? so they can stand.

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Why did the chiken cross the road. Anwer: because it was being chased by a crazy horny/ kinky redneck.

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Why did the woman keep getting sexually harassed while calling for her lost dog? Her dog is named "Ilovedicks."

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why did the puppy have a sticky tongue? because its owner was abusive and made the puppy lick peanut butter from his balls

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops