A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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so there are 2 muffins in an oven,1 says to the other "holy s**t its hot in here!" and the other says,"omg!its a talking muffin!"

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Kid 1 Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken. Kid 2 Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys. Kid 1 You know what? I think you're right Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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What happens when a Jew, a black man, and a Latino walk into the bar? The potential for racial humor.

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Why does it take 7 years for Harry Potter to kill Voldemort? Voldemort is a very powerful wizard and Harry Potter is just learning magic at the beginning so he is not prepared to fight him.

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Three Kids dressed as a bear, a chicken, and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender asks the to leave as they are all under the legal drinking age.

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You know what me and Bill Cosby have in common? Katie..

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The sentence at the bottom is true. The sentence at the top is false.

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Vagina.

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Q: What did the little boy with cancer get for Christmas? A: A funeral.

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Why did the girl fall off of her highchair? Her father threw an axe at her.

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A man walks into a bar He drinks the night away with his friends *Plot Twist* It was a dream He has no friends.

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What kind of a prediction is THAT?

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What was the mentally challenged kids first word? He was retarded so it wasn't a word.

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How to you confuse an Alzheimer's patient? Present her with a complicated nuclear physics problem.

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How many women does it take to replace a light bulb? Please advise. Thanks, Holly

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A man walks into a bar... he is blind so it isn't funny

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How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? wanna go ride bikes?

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I'm gay.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get KFC... Because hes a canibal!

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A black man walks into a store and buys a gun based upon the increasing crime rate in his area.

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how do you make a plumber cry Kill his family

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Alright alright Tifa, you look totally different from your drawn identical twin. And yeah I could have been a bit more subtle, don't you worry, I have a special knack for SPAMMING COMMENTS INTO THE ABYSS! I mean sheesh you where pretty open about it earlier, and you said you did not give a damn about what random people thought... Moral: But yeah, I can do better than that, I just do not want to, no seriously, if you are going to go feeling ashamed, then I have failed you.

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What did the black man say to his wife? Nothing, she had died earlier that year after a long battle with cancer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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