A man was caught by the Aztecs for stealing from their tombs. The Aztecan chief said,"Sometime during the next week I will kill you, but I will do it when you least expect." The man was then given a room. He deduced that he couldn't be killed on the last day, Saturday, or else he would see it coming, so it must be before Saturday. He then deduced that it couldn't be on Friday, because he would expect it to be before Saturday. He used this logic to rule out every other day of the week, therefore the Aztecan chief would never kill him. He was killed on Wednesday.

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How many pencils does it take to get an A on a test? Actually it takes knowledge.

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Q: Do these jeans make me look fat? A: No your fat makes you look fat.

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This is a joke...that your supposed to laugh at.

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I was sitting next to a man with jelly in one ear and peanut butter in the other, so I turned to him and said "Are you a trifle deaf?" and he said "No, I'm mentally ill."

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A man is sitting at a bar. He stands up and goes over to these bikers playing pool. He then walks over to the bartender and says "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can pee in that bottle over there." The bartender looks at the bottle and sees there is a good five meters between the two. The bartender then agrees. The man takes out his penis and begins to pee. His pee stream goes everywhere on the bar, on the cash register, and espicially on the laughing bartender. It goes everywhere except inside the bottle. The man finishes and zips his pants. He then smiles at the bartender while handing him three hundred dollars. The bartender asks "why are you laughing you lost three hundred dollars?" Which the man replies "See those bikers by the pool table laughing?...I bet them five hundred dollars each that I could pee on your bar, on your cash register, and on your face and you would laugh and be happy." The bartender then reached under his bar and toke out his bat. He then continued to break the mans knees and then perceeded to pee on his bruised and battered face.

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How can you ruin someone's day? Tell them their mother has cancer. No really, I found out my mom has cancer a week ago.

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What did Michael jackson say to Abraham Lincoln? Nothing, there are both currently deceased, if they did, however, say something to each other, it would not be in person, because they are both dead.

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Why did the boy fall off his bike? Because he got hit by a fridge. Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she got hit by a fridge. Why couldn't the cat drink its milk? Because it had no face.

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What's funnier than 24? 25

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what's the difference between you and a yack one is a spitting idiot and the other one is a camel

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I went to the zoo the other day there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu. By Nathan Luque CARROTS!!!

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Why was 6 scared of me? cause i ate 9

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ask me if im deaf. are you deaf? ...............

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Why was the white man chosen for the job over the black guy? He had more work experience and was clearly the better suited applicant.

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a woman votes!

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George Washington, a priest, a nazi and a jew are on a plane that's going to crash. There is only one parachute. George Washington says "For my country" and jumps off without a parachute. The priest says "For God" and jumps off without a parachute. The nazi says "For Hitler" and pushes the jew off and takes the parachute.

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A dying man walked into a shop and started to look at the clothing on display. Then he died.

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Why is it when birds fly in a "V" shape one side is longer? There's more birds on that side.

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whats small and looks funny? A baby with a penis sewed to its face.

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What's black, white, and red all over? An interracial couple that got hit by a bus.

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There are two muffins in the oven. One says: "It's really getting hot in here!" The other one can't reply because it is already dead.

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I hate it when I get an erection and it pushes Pluto out of orbit.

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Why did the blonde flunk out of school? Because she was a fucking idiot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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