What weights more than a 300 pound man? A 400 pound man.

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where did Lucy go when the bomb dropped? everywhere.

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What do you get if you mix razor blades with babies? An erection.

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A French man gets into a fight

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what can you give to a millionaire to make him happy? sex

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*Knock knock! "Who's there?" "Jehovah's witness" .....

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How do you kill a blonde? You shoot them in the head with a revolver.

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Why can't dinosaurs talk? Because they're all dead.

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why did the kid drop his ice cream? because he got ran over by a bus! (not a original, just funny)

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Printing billions of counterfeit dollars...in ones.

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Hey. I have to ask you a serious question. Okay. what? You can only answer with yes or no. Okay what is it? Do your parents know your gay? .....

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What do you call Mary in a wheelchair ... virgin mobile

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Q: What is better than sex? A: A relationship where you can be completely intimate with your partner

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What's worse than a dead baby falling out of a tree? Two dead babies stapled together falling out of a tree.

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A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

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why do my feet smell so bad? because i havent washed them for 5 days

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Bob: Hey Jim, what's up? Jim: Obviously the sky, oh and i see a few planes too. by the way why are you asking me why don't you just look up?

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Why did the boy fall off the swing? Because while he was swinging, his friends dared him to jump off and called him a chicken when he didn't. Still hesitant, he tried to jump off, but his arm caught on the swing chain and he fell face first into the tanbark. He needs reconstructive surgery to repair his face.

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Knock knock Who's this? Your neighbor Yes can I help you? Hi, I'm new around here, can you help me find the closest gas station? Turn right over there pass 2 traffic lights it will be on your left Okay, thank you You're welcome

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Knock knock? Who's there? Llama. Llama who? Llamas aren't racist unlike that bastard Ann Coulter. That's why they can get a carrot up the ass and she can't.

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Where do you find a dog? At a pet store.

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What happens when you divide by zero? According to the limits in Calculus, 1/x as x approaches 0 becomes closer to infinity, so we can safely conclude that if we could divide by zero, it would be a form of infinity. Positive infinity for 1/0, negative infinity for -1/0 and unsigned infinity for 0/0, as zero has no sign.

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What did the Jewish man say when he answered the phone? Hello?

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I saw a "Baby on Board" bumper sticker on a car TARGET AQUIRED

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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