How do u catch a polar bear u cut a hole in the ice put peas around the hole and when the bear comes to take a pea u kick it in the ice hole

How many elephants can you fit in a car? depends how big the car is!

what do you call a drunk person? By his or her name and call him a cab

What's yellow and goes up and down? A banana in an elevator.

Roses are dead Violets are dead Im a bad gardener

Whats worst then finding drugs under you brothers bed finding your dead cat under his bed whats worst then finding your dead cat under your brothers bed finding your dead Gran whats even worst then that the Holocaust

What's the difference between a bag of dead babies and a Ferrari? I have a bag of dead babies in my garage.

What's the difference between a whale and an elephant

Q: Why does an elephant have flat feet? A: From jumping out of trees

Barack Obama and a kangaroo pull up to a gas station. The gas station attendant takes one look at the kangaroo and says, "You know, we don't get many kangaroos here." Barack Obama replies, "At these prices, I'm not surprised. That's why we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil."

What is black and white and red all over? A black, red and white picture

What did the one bagpiper say to the other? Nothing, one cannot speak while playing the bagpipes.

Jackson's dad told him to "play in the traffic".

What do you call a drunk irishman? A cab.

What's brown and sticky? ...A stick.

A large man goes into a restaurant and places his order The waiter asks if he would like the weight watchers menu He says no because he doesnt care about his weight

Why did the chicken cross the road? On a fundamental level, it was pursuing evolutionary instincts, perhaps a half-bored interest in food.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because at some point through out the day, it had been relocated to the other side of the road. Since it was feeding time, it needed to return to the chicken coop or else risk death due to starvation.

What's brown and sticky? Fecal matter.

Knock Knock Who's there The military. We're under attack. The military we're under attack who? Dinos

Q.whats the differecne between a bicycle? A. orange,...a vest dont got no sleeves.

What did the skeleton say when he was horny? Nothing. Skeletons are not living and therefore cannot be horny.

Tom and Phill are eating ice cream Tom challenges Phill to a contest to see who can eat their ice cream in one bite Tom finishes his in two bites Phil in one Then he looks like he got a brain freeze Tom notices and says "You idiot: you got brain freeze!" Phill turns around and says "No, I have a brain tumor."

Yo momma so fat that they've diagnosed her with type 2 diabetes and she has an extremely elevated risk of heart disease. You should really encourage her to try and eat better and get more exercise.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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