What did the average man say the the bird? HOODINI

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three friends are chilling one day and they all think they belong in Guinness book of world records the first guys says i believe i have the smallest arms in the world, the second guy says i believe i have the smallest nose in the world and the third guy says i hate to admit it but i believe i have the smallest dick in the world. So they all go down to Guinness book of world records inc. and the first guy comes out and says "YES I DO HAVE THE SMALLEST ARMS IN THE WORLD" the second guy comes out and says "YES I DO HAVE THE SMALLEST NOSE IN THE WORLD" the third guy comes out all depressed and mad and says "WHO THE HELL IS JUSTIN BIEBER"

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So a man walks into a bar, asks for a beer, then drinks it. He then goes home expecting to have dinner with his wife and 2 kids. His wife smells his breath before that and asks him what happens. The men opens to his true and only love and tells her he's having a bad time at work. So they share a hug and talk about it. The man is then renewed, starts pulling up at his job and gets a promotion to general supervisor. He lives happily and watches his kids grow and become professionals. He then dies of a heart attack at the advanced age of 89 while he was watching his favorite TV show.

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what did sushi A say to sushi B? Nothing, because sushi is composed of aboitic fish, rice and other nutritious components and cannot speak

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A duck walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender realizing this is an odd situation, seeing that ducks cannot articulate the English language, realizes he must be dreaming. He wakes up and turns to tell his wife about the dream, but she won't respond. He then realizes how his marriage is in shambles...

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how do you wake up lady gaga? you set her alarm for the intended time

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What do you call a man running around town with no clothes on? Naked.

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Knock knock! who's there? Excuse me sir can I have a moment to talk to you about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?

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What did the man's ex-wife told him after their divorce? "Build a bridge and get over did" And so he did because hes a contractor that specialized in structures spanning and providing passage over a gap or barrier, such as a river or roadway

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Hello everyone, if you couldnt tell, the most popular joke was removed because it wasnt even an antijoke, if you have a joke that isnt an antijoke, post it somewhere else, if you dont know what an antijoke even is then get the f*ck out, thumbs up if you agree with me

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What did the disabled child say when I hit him with my car? *thunk*

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? ruh-ruh-blah-blah-bluh

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What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff. What's not pink and fluffy? Rape.

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What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Women.

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why did the chicken cross the road? Why not?

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whoever said we're all soft on the inside was probably not an experienced doctor.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Santa isn't real.

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Cripples are lame.

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Whats the same between an elephant and a grape? They're both purple except for the elephant

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why did the lady fall out the window? someone threw axe at her

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How do you get a cat out of a tree? Throw a jar of foreskin at it.

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Why did the girl scream? Someone shot her mom

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HEY YOU! TISSUE!

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Why is Obama the Antichrist? Salad.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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