What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool The tragic drowning of a quadrapalegic

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Why is a building called a building when it's already been built? My pinky is pink and my liver helps me live.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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Kid- "Where do babies come from?" Mom- *Commits Suicide*

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Is there any non dirty numbers these days, 69, just kidding

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What do you call a blind man on a jet ski? Dead.

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Chuck Norris walks into a bar. somebody recognizes him and immidiately asks for his autograph

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(402)217-6102 that is Jesse

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How do u get a clown off of a swing? You hit him with an axe.

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Why did the man cry when he went to the doctor? He has a terminal illness progressed to the point of cure and would die in 3 hours.

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What do you call an englishman who wakes up in Africa Confused

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have you heard of the new german microwave? it seats about 30

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One day a cheerio is walking down the street. Nothing special, just a regular cheerio. Suddenly, he sees a honey-coated cheerio. Now, honey-coated cheerios have a much higher social status than regular cheerios. So he decides that he wants to become a honey- coated cheerio. He works really, really hard and one day his boss promotes him to a honey-coated cheerio. So, he's really pleased about this, he can easily pay his rent, he gets a nice car, and his family is much happier. But then, as he's driving around the town, he sees a sugar-coated cheerio. Now, sugar-coated cheerios are preety much at the top of society. They're all highly regarded and respected. So he decides that he wants to become a sugar-coated cheerio. He works really, really hard for months and months, until one day his boss decides that he can become a sugar-coated cheerio. He is absolutely stoked with this. He gets a bigger house with a swimming pool and a spa, really nice clothes, and he's very well respected. One day, he's sun bathing at the beach, when off in the distance he sees an island that he had never seen before. Apparently, this is the golden cheerio island. Cheerios there fly around in jet cars and lounge around in bars. It's cheerio heaven. So he decides that if he becomes a golden cheerio, his life will be complete. He dedicates his life to working really, incredibly hard, and one day his boss says to him, "You know what, you've worked so hard that I'm promoting you to a golden cheerio." So he makes it to the cheerio island, and as he is lying down, relaxing, he suddenly becomes very thirsty. All cheerios really like milk so he goes to get some, but there's a really long line at the milk stand. So he decides to get some lemonade, but like the milk stand, there's a really long line at the lemonade stand. So he thinks, "I know what no-one will want. Punch!" So he goes to the punch stand and sure enough there's no punch line.

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A man walks into a bar. Ouch

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Roses are gray Violets are gray I'm colorblind.

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Doctor, Doctor, I feel like there's two of me! There's not. Your long lost twin died of terminal cancer.

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Yo momma so fat when god said let there be light he said get the fuck out the way!

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How do you give Salley enough energy swim against the river current? Add your own electric current.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Eat a dick you sh!t fukk! I'm going have to ask you leave now,

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How did the fat guy die? After an autopsy, it was discovered he was unaware of his type 2 diabetes and therefore did not treat it

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Q: whats better than having sex? A: nothing

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I suck at poetry, Show me your tits.

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When is a Jew the sleepiest? Depends on the time really... some people sleep and wake up on different biological calendars.

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I nicknamed my diick "the truth" because the biitches can't handle it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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