A woman who owns a parrot leaves her home, forgetting that a plumber is scheduled to come fix her sink. A few minutes after she leaves, the plumber arrives and knocks on the door. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replies, "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waits for a minute and, seeing that nobody has come to the door, knocks again. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replies, a little more loudly, "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink!" The plumber waits for a minute and bangs hard on the door. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screams, "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIINK!!!" Just then, the plumber clutches his chest and falls dead to the ground. When the woman returns home, she sees the dead man in front of her door. She opens her door to go to her phone and asks the parrot, "who is it?" The parrot replies, "WHO IS IT?"

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What'sucks and white Jackson

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? A nugget

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Why did the wife leave her husband? Because they were having sexual differences and time restraints. The husband worked nightshifts as a nurse while the woman stayed home and took care of their child. The husband confessed he never wanted a child in the first place, and that having sexual intercourse with her didn't truly satisfy him.

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Whats pink and screaming? a skinned baby in a bucket of vinegar+

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How do you make time fly? You throw a clock out a window.

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No.

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Why did Suzue fall of the swing? The chain broke.

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What is dark, funny looking, black, and rhymes with osama? A black lama.

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How did the child cross the road? He couldn't his legs had been lost in an awful car accident that had killed his whole family.

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How do you know a French guy has been in your back yard? Your thrash cans are empty and your dog's pregnant

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Why did the chIcken cross the road? To escape the holocaust.

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Your mammas so fat, she weighs significantly more than the average person.

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please ignore the bottom two 'jokes' as they were written by josh carey and ryan danielz

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Why was the presidential candidate sad? He mother was raped on her way to hear his speech and his brother hung himself in his apartment two days earlier.

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Why did Old Man Robert fall down the stairs? Someone kicked him down. And then he died.

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Why did the woman not wear a bra? Because she had breast cancer and got a double mastectomy.

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Why was the guy sad? His son killed himself after being constantly bullied for 6 years.

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If someone tells you to look behind you do you? No

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The awkward moment when you have cancer.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There was an object of great appeal to him on the other side.

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"Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it; I tried to be chill, but then I realized that when used as an adjective, 'chill' refers to the temperature." -Jason Mraz

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A Mexican, A Caucasian and An African American walk into a bar. Suddenly, a rival of the African American's pulls up in a used Chevrolet and shoots him 6 times with a semi-automatic handgun. The Mexican and Caucasian are distraught and call 911 immediately. The rival is later arrested and found guilty of murder in the first degree by a jury of his peers. Less than 6 months later, the bar is closed due to the negative stigma surrounding the shooting. Urban life is a harrowing and tough experience that most outsiders will never fully understand.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Shit a brick.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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