Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it does whatever the hell it wants to do!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing because their both fruits.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the car catch fire? It was parked in Ferguson, MO

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A: Ask me if I'm a tree. B: Are you a tree? A: psh, no! *gives offended look and walks away*

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it was struck by lightning and died.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Sex positions (and other related things), never took off... 1. The 96 2. The mission (impossible) position. 3. The Tangoers party (swingers? The fack is that?) 4.Nasal. 5. Bed waltz (requires amazing dancing skills and multitasking, now they just call everything for "bed waltz" to show off) 6.Blind Date take uno (hard to find two blind people and make sure they meet each other and have a good time by themselves). 7. GILFS take one (I mean there could be many hot grandmas out there, but "Guns Id Like For Shooting", was not too popular due accidents)

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man named Carl walks into a bar and sees another man named Ed who has purple skin and is holding a chinchilla in one hand and a policeman's helmet in the other. Carl approaches Ed and asks, "Why is your skin purple and why are you holding a chinchilla in one hand and a policeman's helmet in the other?" Ed replies stating, "Well its actually a pretty funny story. I was sailing near cape cod and a saw a large whale jump out of the water, and that gave me a really good idea. So I sailed home immediately and wrote a very detailed novel about my days in Vietnam. The book was a success and I was able to make a large amount of money. However, unfortunately I became addicted to cocaine and wasted all of my money and had to live on the streets. Since then, I have cleaned up my act and am working again and have a house. I decided to treat myself to a night out and so I came here and painted myself purple. Then, I found this chinchilla and policeman's helmet on the floor and decided to hold onto it until I find the owner. Now that I think about it, that story isn't very funny. I apologize." Carl then accepted the apology and the two had a drink together and are still good friends today.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A child logs on to antijoke.com he is a chronic masturbator

thumb_up thumb_down +3

This is SPARTA! SPARTA? THIS IS MADNESS! (kicks guy down well) What is hurt! Baby dont love me, dont love me, no more. Moral: The funny thing is probably that the line makes a lot more sense all of sudden does it not?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

watch a i d s left

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man is on his way home from a business trip and walks into his house. He is quite as to not wake up his wife or kids. He gets to the bedroom to find his wife in bed with the neighbor. He is shocked at what he came home to and decides to file for divorce. She was a stay at home mom and loses everything because of the divorce. The man woke up from his horrible nightmare and kissed his wife on the cheek. She has always been faithful. He decides to tell her about the dream and, for insurance, emphasizes the part where she loses everything in the divorce. They happily live out the rest of their lives together.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why would a woman be out of the kitchen? Because she is busy working, being outside, resting, or any other activity that does not include food.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why was the kid crying his dad is a alchoholic

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How did the Nazis torture someone? They inserted a glass tube in the penis and flicked the end so that it shattered.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: Why is Rosie odonell fat? A: Because you are sexual attracted to small children.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

My neighbor's kid was running around yelling magical spells. I said "Wow, you really want to be like Harry Potter, don't you?". He said "Yes!". So, I killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why did the man lose his testicle? he had cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats black and white and read all over? A dead magpie.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Wanna hear the most repeated joke on anti jokes? Why did [insert name here] fall off the swing? Because he/she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not [insert name here].

thumb_up thumb_down +3

There's a elf ,a peice of paper, and a pencil. What happens next? The elf writes on the paper.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Holy crap it's a talking muffin!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what do you get when you cross a red snugulo and a blue glurga? your on acid

thumb_up thumb_down +3

True or False : it would not cause a public disturbence to express your P0rnagraphy to the public??? true. P0rnagraphy is the freedom of speech and ability to express oneself

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops